Rapier's Wit

It is 12: 05 as I begin to write this. A new year has begun. Woo-freakin'-hoo! Once upon a time I viewed each new year as a welcome to hopeful new beginnings. Now, it is more about me screwing up while writing a check. ** The neighborhood yay-hoos are setting off fireworks and it irritates the piss out of me. Loud booms bring me no thrill. I'm overtired which makes Miss Riss a tad cantankerous. I could have waited until daylight to start writing this, but prefer to write while inspired - good or bad . ** Set the bar low and pretty much anything relatively okay equals something faboo except in dating and dining out. 2018 wasn't a total shit show. Early in the year I quit a job that made me absolutely miserable. The people I worked with were, to be blunt, a collection of everything I never wanted to be and prayed I never encounter again. As individuals they may have been acceptable specimens, but together they defined Mean Girls. I walked away from it and have not regre...

As reported on Facebook, my sleep has been filled with oddball, subconscious visions. WEIRD dreams, yo. It seemed a perfect blog topic. It could become a regular thing. If my dreams do not fulfill the spot I might suggest friends report their sleepy time oddities to me. Anonymity would be the name of the game, naturally. As for me, there's no shame in my game. Typically, my dreams aren't vivid. From time to time there will be one but recall is fleeting as I'm awakened by my 53 year old bladder. In an effort to quickly fall back to sleep once nature's call has been answered, I don't allow my brain to explore what had been experienced during nocturnal slumber. Weird dream #1: In this dream I was dating one of my favorite characters from my absolute favorite television program: Schitt's Creek. If you haven't seen it yet, but are a fan of Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara (Second City TV and Christopher Guest flick fame), you must find it. I watch it on P...

This post is from August 22, 2010! Man, what a difference 5 years makes. I've been through a lot in that time. One major change is that ... well, the change has occurred and the subject matter of the post below is moot. However, it is amusing to me all the same. I found it while looking through notes posted on Facebook. I didn't realize they existed anymore. I thought Facebook had done away with them long ago. Anyway, enjoy my ramblings about being 45 and facing hormonal changes. Also, enjoy my collar bones and singular chin in the photo to the left. I'd lost over 40 lbs. I'm mega fatter in comparison now. Sadness. Working on that again.  Right to the point: I'm a girl who has needed a check up from the neck up. Thumbing through the Yellow Pages for a shrink isn't what is inferred. Although, that would probably do me a world of good. After all, there are plenty of reasons for the manner in which I act and react to situations in my life. Knee jerk reactions t...

No. The Rapier household does not have a washer and dryer yet. The water that comes into my house is rusty. I don't want discolored whites. Orange, in this case, is not the new black. The plumbing and water heater are all relatively new. The pipes from the main water line to the house, however, is as old as running water, I am told. So, with that in mind, I do not invest in the modern convenience of having the units in my rental home. And no, I don't want to buy additional laundry additives that takes the rust out of the wash water. I did that when we lived in the country and it ruined my cottons. Sheesh. For your viewing pleasure. He was not at the laundromat today. He's on loan from LovingMaleModels on Instagram Today was a much needed laundry day. The idea of spending my first weekend off in over six weeks (last weekend) in a laundromat held absolutely zero appeal. Additionally, the weekends are the busiest time of the week to visit said laund-O-rama. Being there d...

Today may be September 22, but this gal isn't succumbing to autumn just yet. Here in the Midwest we were robbed of summer. With June being one big torrential downpour, I demand a month extension of sum,sum,summertime!! Like many people, my son and I were enslaved by the sump pump and overflowing water table. We don't live terribly far from the banks of the Kankakee River.We both got our share of exercise running up and down the basement stairs to jiggle the pump. Every 20 minutes day after day after day we dealt with that blasted thing attempting to prevent the basement from flooding and damaging the furnace. I guess the saving grace in all of it is that the under dwelling of the house is more like a constructed cave instead of it being additional living space. I give you actual footage during a downpour that included tornado warnings. Eek! My son was a total champ. In some ways it was a blessing he hadn't found full-time employment. His round the clock job was manning ...

Wow! That's one hell of a post title, eh? It is the morning of New Year's Eve. Snow is on the ground. Temperature is in the teens. Winter is on a hormonal roller coaster. But enough about the weather. 2013. It is almost history. What have I done with the last 364 days? There are the typical things that comes with being a single mom. My son graduated from high school and started college. Work became more demanding and with that came the revelation that I do not seem to fit corporate jargon filled mentality. With that I must either adapt or seek employment elsewhere. My employment woes is not what this post is about. " What is it about, Marissa? I'm already bored? " This is about what 2013 brought for Marissa the female. The single woman. The mom stuff aside. None of the manager crud. I am talking about the chick... the wo-man that has been stifled. This is about putting it out there and getting my swerve on. Do you catch the drift now? No! It does...

The other day I received a wrong number text. Instead of being quick by telling the sender 'wrong number,' I got creative like all those people who end up on Tumblr and Buzz Feed. First, I had to high tail it to Google and search a photo. My initial thought was an image depicting a person excited about cookies. Search: COOKIES Enter the screenshot. Hmmm That photo wasn't going to do the ... WAIT A MINUTE! Wait a cotton pickin' booger flickin' minute! What is Google suggesting as a related search? Let me point it out Who would have thunk to add THAT to cookies or any baked goods. I imagine Martha Stewart sitting at her kitchen counter after a tryst with the gardener or the butcher ... ya know, she's whipping up a post-coital snack to rev back up to go in for a second round...and BAM! What ever could she do with excess semen? You're welcome! Now we both have that disturbing image in our heads. Ho, ho, ho. Here's the screenshot of the te...

Conversation started August 1 8/1, 12:55pm Davis Clark Ben Hi Beauty Angel, Sweet, lovely, honest, trust, caring, kind and enduring is you and I hope you are in good health. Am Engineer Davis Clark and am from the United Kingdom. I work as an Engineer with Mobil Exxon. I am a single Dad and my wife died after 2yrs i was divorced and I have being praying for a new love to come by. I don't know why am telling you all these but just want to be open minded with you. Precisely, am not getting any younger and my dream is to have a wife i can called my own which i will spend all my life with, my wealth and the rest of my life. Your profile struck my eyes and went straight to my heart. You really look like someone who is easy going with and just like in my dreams and what I desire although its weird am telling you this for my first letter to you but like I said I want to be open minded and not hiding in shadows. I love Vacation, Outing with family, Beach Walk as ...

YOU'RE WELCOME! HAPPY THANKSGIVING NIGHTMARES ARE ON ME.

Do you have a scar on your body that you can't recollect how it got there? With all the falls, scrapes, and injuries I've had in my lifetime I am surprised more scars don't exist. On one occasion when it was warm enough this summer to bask in the sunshine to get my dose of Vitamin D, I sat with my leg propped up on my knee. You know, because all the cool kids have imperfect, uneven tan lines. Anywho... While my leg was propped on my knee, I noticed this scar and fully recall how it got there. It's not like that scene from Lethal Weapon 3 where Renee Russo and Mel Gibson compare battle scars: So, this is the battle scar in question It has faded dramatically in the 37 years it has been a part of me. Any guess on how I got it? I bet no one will guess correctly.

If you've been stalk following me for more than a year, then you know I had some issues with my left leg. Wait, did I blog about that horrible experience or did I manage to keep it to myself? I keep very little about my life to myself. What I mean is that I may have only reported the ugliness on Facebook. OK. In March of 2012 a funky bump appeared on my lower left leg. I, being stupid, picked at it. Despite bandaging, treating it with triple antibiotic cream etc... the damned thing would not heal. After 2 months of that nonsense I sought out WebMd. (You thought I was going to say medical treatment, didn't you?) There was a myriad of possibilities and I treated the wound accordingly. From soaking it with apple cider vinegar to coating it with hydrogen peroxide, it only got worse. Surprise! Hey, I wanted a homeopathic remedy. In the long run it was foolish. Don't you dare wag your finger at me. When our vacation to California was quickly approaching, I made haste, fina...

Today after I received multiple injections in my left leg -- part of treatment for totally grody varicose veins -- I walked across the clinic's parking lot to imbibe in coffee and a bagel. (French toast crunch, if you must know.) There I sat sipping my hazelnut coffee and scrolling through Google News when a woman who, judging by the volume of her voice, seemed oblivious that she was inside a restaurant where most people read and chill rather than a rock concert, came strolling over.  She was greeted by a couple others and went on to explain why she was late to what sounded like a weekly gathering. It was then that it seemed a grand idea for me to post what I overheard to Facebook. Rather than retype what has already been put into words, I copied and now shall execute the paste: FYI, apparently the plural of breakfasts is breakfastes ... At least according to the woman behind me. Marissa Rapier   A man sitting across from me has the u...