Rapier's Wit

My house is a filth pit and I blame Netflix. For years we have had a Netflix subscription. Long before streaming was available I paid $14.99 per month to have unlimited DVDs sent to my home. The only real reason I maintained my cable subscription was for my son who was a youngster. He needed entertainment between school, homework and video games. Anyway, it was all about the movies. If there were television series available I did not bother because it seemed such a, well, a bother. Flash forward to the age of streaming video! It took me quite awhile to catch on. We accessed it through my son's Wii gaming system in the earlier days. If there wasn't a great movie available, I did not partake in what my $7.99 per month afforded. There was no original programming that I know of back then. When the makers of Arrested Development  announced they would be creating a new season exclusively for Netflix I about doo-dooed my pants. It was then that I discovered a lot more was availa...

Whoa! So much time between posts. What gives, man?  A quick synopsis: Cancer Chemo Radiation Scans Blood work No more cancer 50th birthday  The most earth shattering event ... we cancelled cable!! I'm also no longer strapped to a wireless contract. I know what freedom truly feels like, kids. Although, Netflix has me wrapped around its little finger. For a time, Amazon Prime streaming held me in its grasp. Rather than renew, I sweated through the withdrawals ... or was that menopause? Anyway, Netflix provides us with plenty of entertainment. Cutting the cord was not nearly as traumatic as I had always pictured it being.  When I called the demon company to cancel I was prepared for battle. If you ever had an AOL account and tried to end the relationship you know what I am talking about. You get passed from automated message to automated message that declares you're next to be helped. Then, a human being answers. However, you press 1 out of habit and accidentally...

Yep. When I choose a wine, the label had better be interesting. My good friend chooses wine similarly. His boyfriend confirms that the contents could be skunk piss, but as long as the bottle is interesting he will buy it. A few years ago, before I could afford cable and internet, we frequented the library. My driver's license had an address within the public library district and I was able to obtain a card at no charge. Now, I have to fork over nearly $200. per year because I live outside city limits. OK, sorry. Distracted by detail. Prior to cable and internet I checked out dozens of books per month. Chick lit mostly because all I wanted was to be entertained. Perusing the shelves looking for specific titles and authors didn't do the trick. Not being an avid reader, I had no favorites and Danielle Steel no longer did the trick. So, with that in mind and knowing all I needed was lightweight smut and girly adventure, I sought out pink and purple stereotypical feminine ...

Are you familiar with the game? If not, you must live under a rock. Go knock yourself senseless with a rubber spatula or something while the fun kids play the game. A couple of 'net friends are administrators of a fun page on Facebook called Retrochicks . On that page a promise of a rousing game of boff, marry, kill was promised for this evening. They replaced the profane word used in the title of this post because ... I guess because it is more retro. I don't know. Don't grill me. Damn. In preparation for the evening festivities, Jane, one of the admins, posted this link to an interactive rendition of the game. It is rather silly. According to the creator there are right and wrong answers. The only ones I chose correctly are the ones to f#@k with exception to Adam Levine (Battle of the Adams). One Adam I don't even recognize so I chose to kill him. In the Michael round I got the f#@k right on a guess. The Michael I know of is Michael Cera. Quite frankly, there...

Here I am noshing on a Honeycrisp apple. If you've never eaten one then you're truly missing out on one of nature's most delightful snacks. But that is not what this post is about.  Nope. I just wanted to explain the reason my keyboard is sticky -- an excuse for my typos, by the way. I worked all day and it wasn't until around 4:30 that I was struck with a serious case of the yawns.  My sleepiness can be blamed on staying up later than my usual 10:30 PM bedtime.  I know! Outrageous party animal am I!  It was around 12:30 AM when my phone was going dead for the second time. Obviously the cosmic gods were telling me to go to bed. You see, Saturday night brought some serious catch up with the best friend I've never met.  My house phone battery went belly up -- yes, I'm a weirdo with a land line. Immediately after that I grabbed my cell which had been charging.  I knew my Blondie gal in Cali and I had babbled and laughed for a few hours.  It wasn't unti...

I have to admit that it was a little intimidating at first. I had absolutely no idea what to do with what had been put before me. Fortunately, my handsome date was more than willing to guide me in proper handling.  The most difficult part was getting it to my mouth without making a mess all over myself.  My hand eye coordination is usually spot on, but I'd had a little wine and it went straight to my head ... not to mention the mere presence of the charming man was quite intoxicating in and of itself.  Oh, and he smelled absolutely delicious. He promised what I was about to devour would send me over the moon and into a near orgasmic state, but to be wary of too much wasabi on the first bite.  It would certainly clear out my sinuses. Sushi.  Ever since that first mouthful I have craved it.  They aren't lying when they say it is edible art.  Gorgeous, but not so much that it didn't stop me from filling my gullet.  It shocked me how filling it is....

The people you encounter today are going to love loving you. Everyone who thinks you're cool is ready and raring to let you know it. Accept compliments graciously, because you'll get lots of them. But try not to let it go to your head. Vanity is certainly nothing to be ashamed of, but it's something to indulge in with careful consideration . There you have it.  My horoscope for today.  I read it after making the following video.  Y'all know what you're obligated to do now.  Hey, we can't go upsetting the stars and proving them wrong, now, can we? We, of course, being you :) I'm graciously awaiting

Listen to your heart closely today, because it's going to alert you to a new romance or love opportunity. This might not involve romance in the terms of a significant other -- it could very well mean that more romantic ideas and concepts are becoming more prominent in your life. But either way, you should keep yourself open to new opportunities and do whatever you can to honor a recent commitment you made with someone you have known for a very long time. ....and right before Halloween. Maybe this would be more appropriate on April 1.  For as long as you've all known/read me, you've probably gathered that I am a hopeful sort.  While I get discouraged and over-think e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, I still keep the faith that one day my time will come to have all the warm fuzzy feelings of romance and not find them skipping town at the first notion of me reciprocating. I don't like being toyed with.  For sure there are people who get a thrill from that cat and mouse game.  I d...

No, Adam Lambert didn't technically win American Idol Season whateveritwas.  Kris Allen was crowned the winner.  But he's kind of under the radar right now.  Being runner-up isn't as bad as it may seem, ya know.  This is a track off the John Cusack blockbuster 2012 .  It appears California is crumbling into the Pacific Ocean or something.  It's likely I won't see it until it comes out on dvd and is available on Netflix.  While many of you might not be Lambert fans, I do like his flair.  Yeah, I said it. I do admit the song is a formula tune. It's very Aerosmith circa "Armageddon" love theme, don't ya think? You'd be hard pressed to  find something on the radio that isn't formulaic. Especially when it's being churned out by the American Idol master machine operators.  It'll get plenty of airplay. I'll sing it. Or rather I'll attempt to emulate the wail of Lambert. To anyone over hearing it they might be inclined to call 9...

No, I didn't fall asleep at the wheel nor did Rissy fall in a well. I knew yesterday was the day of GLEE. On dual levels. I was a happy girl. Jumping for joy kind of girl. Plus, at 8 pm central GLEE, the show, was on. I didn't send out my usual reminder because I had other pressing things going on other than writing about why Glee is my favorite not-so-guilty guilty pleasure. Nope. I had another totally unguilty pleasure to attend to. So there! Plus, my cold-funk was getting the best of my and it required a hot shower lasting close to 30 minutes to help break up the junk in my head. Indeed yesterday was Glee night and I managed to leave work early enough to catch 30 minutes of the hour long program. Speaking of programs, my boss needs to get with the scheduling program and give me Gleeday night off. Sheesh! I don't like watching shows online that I can very well view on television. And NO! I don't own a DVR but you're welcome to buy me one for Christmas if...

Happy GLEEday, y'all! I know there are some of you who laugh at my love of the new show GLEE. I realize some of you (obvious victims of blunt force head trauma) who don't like the program. It's OK. I forgive and still love you. This week marks the opening of the movie remake of FAME! I'll be going to see it on Friday with friends who appreciate the first movie, as well as, the television series based on the school of the arts. I'm excited! Jazz hands will be flying! It'll surely be an interesting mix of theater goers: Youth vs. more mature people who experienced FAME the first time around. Naturally, we're superior. Speaking of being aged and mature ... My back has been killing me. I have no idea what I did to get this way. I know when I had back X-rays many moons ago prior to a chiropractic adjustment, the doctor asked if I'd been in any serious car accidents. At that time, I had not. Then, he inquired about my athleticism. Early on in life I...

Maybe it's due to the apple crisp in the over or the fact that I am off work for an entire weekend, but today's horoscope didn't make me want to throw dishes or ... whine. Admittedly, the apple crisp really has no effect on anything other than making me salivate. I just wanted to brag that I'll be gorging on the autumnal treat when I finish this blog post. All right. The horoscope is as follows: If any sign is aware of the effect their charm has on others, it's yours. No matter how hard you try to pretend you don't know what you're doing, you really are aware of how devastatingly enchanting you've been to the lucky person you've been lavishing attention. If you're interested, then they probably already belong to you. If you're not, be merciful. Tell them you were just playing, thank them for a lovely time and get yourself home. Me? Charm!? Get the flock out! Oh wait, I'm not supposed to pretend I don't know what I'm doing. But is...

Maybe it's just me, but this video heightened my interest in frosting. What's that? I'm nuts? This is useful since I couldn't care less about the cake. Perfect tips for hand to mouth frosting feeding frenzy.

Guilty pleasures. Everybody has them. I suppose if you openly admit your love for something others consider cheesy, then it doesn't exactly leave you riddled with guilt. Feeling guilty about it would imply that you're filled with shame. I have very little shame. Just ask anybody who really knows me. There are a few definitions of guilty pleasure on urbandictionary.com. 1. guilty pleasure Something that you shouldn't like, but like anyway. A cigarette every now and then is a guilty pleasure for me . 2. guilty pleasure Something that you love to do, but you just cannot admit that you do it. Guy 1: "DUDE, you still watch Pokemon?" Guy 2: "WHAT? NO! Ok, I do, its my guilty pleasure. 3. guilty pleasure n. to describe a certain substance or activity a person enjoys, and often practises, while said person morally believed or is informed that the substance or activity is abnormal, improper or incorrect. See more at: guilt, guilty, pleasure Under some common b...

"As long as the ties that bind us together are stronger than those that would tear us apart, all will be well." As any parent can tell you, it's not an easy job raising the next generation. It's often thankless and frustrating. Finding a medium to which you can bond with your oft times hormonal teen is challenging. No one ever said it was easy . Yeah. I know. Raising a boy without a man in the house or in our lives is tricky. I won't break my arm patting myself on the back, but I think I've done fairly well. My son may not know how to throw a spiral or a curve ball. I rely upon his physical education teacher to help out in that area. Mancub and I have managed to bond over movies, music and television programs. That's not to say I sit and watch TV non-stop. I threaten to leave the house when the Disney Channel is on. Wizards of Waverly Place and The Suite Life of Zach and Cody push me to the brink of insanity. I thank God that That's So Raven ...

It all started with taking Mancub and his friend, K, to their freshman orientation. Once I dropped the boys off I head to the luxuriousness of the laundromat. Awww I see you turning green over there. Envy doesn't look pretty on you. The place was packed with dames gray with age, which reminde d me that my roots were in severe need of attention. One of the ladies was a snappy dresser in her fashionable jeans and tailored blue and white striped shirt. The old girl even had her collar popped! She curses like a sailor which caused me to giggle to myself as I filled the top load washer with my dirty duds. Her companion is hunched over and requires a cane, but the rapport between them is a hoot to overhear. She shuffles about much like Sophia on The Golden Girls. While I'm far from being as old as those gals in the laundromat, I was reminded that aging doesn't require you to lose your pep or give up the spunkiness of youth. You just have to be careful how high you kick up...

Facebook is a time suck There! I said it! I admit it. But it keeps me off the stripper pole. About 8 months ago someone sent me an invite to do a 10 second interview. I figured I had that much time to spare, right? How many questions could there be? Hundreds! Unless you're John Moschitta, it's unlikely you can answer numerous questions in under 10 seconds ... with exception to that rapid fire questioning in Uncle Buck . Wait ... that clip is 25 seconds long, but isn't it precious? So, for my own amusement (and maybe your's) I have extracted 20 gems from Q & A with Miss Riss -- 1. What's the sexiest thing the opposite sex can wear ? Me 2. Nothing beats ... ? A new pair of underpants 3. In 20 years I will be .. .? Still answering these stupid assed questions 4. I don't get mad, I get . ..? Psycho 5. When they write my obituary, I hope they mention ... ? I don't care. I'll be dead 6. What flavor are you glad they didn't include in Bertie...

I'm not at home. For those thieves who might know where I live, don't bother. There's nothing of real value there. Plus, consider yourselves warned if you're immediately attacked by two felines. I can't be held responsible for their actions upon violating the security of my domicile. Silver, as some of you may remember, has a deafening yelp and howl. Perpetrators will beg for mercy. Mo-mo stops, drops and rolls in front of her assailants thereby causing a nasty spill which renders them helpless. Fear the felines. I've not felt inspired to write lately. I suspect going from my house to my sister's house is taking a toll on me. Perhaps I need to be in my comfort zone. If you read my previous post you fully grasp how my brain operates when I'm not in familiar territory. That was mighty scary. I'm going to let my mind ramble and discuss the mundane. You're giddy with anticipation, aren't you? One of the perks of being employed in optic...

Twenty three thousand. hmmm 23,000 sigh 23,000!!!!!!! That's still not as spectacular as I thought it would look. Hold on . Image by Cool Text: Logo and Button Generator - Create Your Own That fits the bill much better. Thank you for pushing my blog up and over 23,000 hits. Maybe one day those hits will be reads and comments. Perhaps I'll be a blog sensation that will make you ask, "Who's Jen Lancaster? What ever became of Perez Hilton?" Hey, it's a lofty dream, but without aspirations for greater things we're just spinning our wheels and digging holes.

It's no secret that I'm a single mom. I support myself and Mancub without any help from his father. This isn't a bitch session about that. I made my bed and now I sleep in it. I'm here to declare that I'm friggin' tired and need a dot gammed vacation from the work place. I'm sick of all the internal shiznit that takes place. I know I'm not alone, but I haven't taken more than a couple days off in a row in a long time. I might internally combust if I don't get some relief. I appreciate having employment. Don't get me wrong and don't for a second believe I am looking a gift horse in the mouth. I'm on my feet all f'ing day long and I hurt. I ache. Again, if I'm not permitted to just forget that place for an extended amount of time we might need to call upon the finest CSI team in the country. JUST SAYIN'! I turn to Queen of Disco Donna Summer to sing it! And once she's done singing, Mr. Mercury and the boys can...