Rapier's Wit

YOU'RE WELCOME! HAPPY THANKSGIVING NIGHTMARES ARE ON ME.

Have you ever seen a Christopher Guest movie? A Might Wind, Best in Show, This is Spinal Tap ? They call those mockumentaries. They're set up as documentary films with just an outline and not much of a script. In the spirit of that same theme two long time friends and funny gals are creating a similar web show.  Ya know what, watch this clip. Me babbling is boring and this clip is, in my opinion, funny.  The idea of the teaser is a sneak peek of what you'll see if  the funds can be raised to produce it. Check it out and if you love it, donate to the project. Last season 82 South  St  created very funny sketches. Go peruse those on YouTube! My personal favorites are  Scrabble Bitches and Black Scrapbook.

This was originally written 2 years ago before this blog was up and running.  I sat at the computer with nothing more than a photo of the costume I wish I could wear on Halloween.  The rest, as they say, is fiction ... or was it? So, I had been perusing Halloween costumes online. They always show these very thin women dressed in the sexy outfits. Some ads will say "Plus Sizes Available." Oh groovy! However, they don't often show what a pleasantly plump, fully bosomed woman looks like in said 'plus size' costume. It's a harsh reality when you take the "bar wench" costume from it's hermetically sealed plastic wrap. You attempt to work out the creases and folds from the acrylic fabric in a steamy shower. You use all the hot water trying to fill the bathroom with enough steam to iron it out. To no avail you're left with, at best, a slightly damp wrinkled garment. While donning your flesh tone 18-hour bra and granny panties, you slip into yo...

Hey! Wow! It's been nearly a week since I sat down to write something. Man!I suck donkey hooves. After such an amazing Mother's Day you'd think I'd be walking on cloud 9, but alas, I slipped into a state of malaise. I couldn't put my finger on why I'd feel so sad. The weather has been less than agreeable. Springtime in the Midwest is often a dreary state. We get so much rain. Nothing says welcome to summer like feeding the mosquito nests with lots and lots of stagnate water. Seriously, the ducks and geese are calling the fields near my house home. They are confused and will soon learn that the mass quantities of water are NOT newly formed ponds. I had intentions of attending my niece Elyssa's college graduation ceremony today. As I said, I've been under the weather and stricken with a case of the blues. Physically I felt drained and my body ached. It felt as if I had 10 pound weights strapped to my ankles. Last night I turned to Therafl...

I was checking out the vids on youtube because I was avoiding kitchen duty. The chili I made in the crock pot and consumed is settling heavily in my gut. Perhaps it was the second piece of corn bread. No matter, I have no desire to move. While on the most popular video uploading site known to man (perhaps just me), I thought I'd find inspiration for a Thanksgiving post. My initial consideration was to share a pictorial montage set to the tune "Over the River and Through the Woods ..." You know the old standard song. No one knows the words beyond the introduction. The rest is just hummed or, in my case, made up to suit the mood. With consideration to the knowledge that I am, by no means, a standard kind of girl, I thought of this little catchy song: Now, before you go screwing up your face and say, "Marissa, what the hell does that song have to do with giving thanks? You screwball woman!" Let me explain. Man-cub and I are compadres. We travel together often. A...

Today was a very dreary, cold day in Kankakee, Illinois. When I walked to the garage sleet was pelting me in the face. Thank God for my smelly mousse application. It made my hair poofy enough that my skull wasn't damaged by the ice particles falling. For a reason totally unknown to me *coughplurkingcough* I was late to work by twelve minutes. I'm usually Jenny on the Spot when it comes to getting to work. I was so surprised by my own tardiness that I exclaimed, "whoa! I'm really late!" To which my co-worker nodded and said, "Yeah. You really are." I felt scolded. But not to worry. She didn't care and due to it being Veterans Day, a trip to the bank wasn't required. Many customers were waiting outside the gate like the zombies in Dawn of Dead. It's a nightmarish sight for us. It's especially frustrating when they over exaggerate the motion of looking at their watches. Our clocks are computerized and we go by that time, grandpa. With the on...

Yep, you read it correctly. I received a major league sized pearl necklace last night. I had to beg for it. Initially the guy was only willing to toss me a little one. I wasn't going to settle. I'm a girl with a huge personality. I wanted a necklace that suits me. Then, with my little eye I spied the UBER sized purple one you see pictured. It was in the wee hours of the morning of Relay for Life and I was exhausted! However, running on nothing but adrenaline and caffeine, I pushed myself to keep on rawkin'! I wasn't alone. Dozens of other people were trying to keep the levity and spirit of the occasion exciting. Lap after lap. I'd been dancing and jumping around while the band Take Over played. The po-po, the 5-0 had come in to tell them to take it from 11 to 3. Apparently there is a city ordinance or something nutty that won't let that much sound permeate the air after midnight. I didn't get it because this was just one night. A special occasion! A gather...

"There were two gangs. One dressed in red, the other in blue. I was in the middle of it all. I was in the middle of it. I was ordered to protect the doctor from Scrubs ... the one who had problems naming his baby (Cox). The weirdest thing was we were protecting a pair of shorts. They were made of this expensive, highly coveted cotton." That's what results when you let your child watch " HELLBOY " on Netflix prior to going to bed. And you are an avid viewer of Scrubs reruns on Comedy Central. And you make him go shopping with you for swim shorts.

I wouldn't normally post something that is horrifically crass in nature, but this had me giggling this morning. I'm also running late, but felt this was campy and hilarious enough to risk racing the clock. There's a star-studded cast that comes together in celebration as they did for USA for Africa. Sit back, be astounded and keep the liquids away from your mouth until it's complete.

Going mental is in reference to my positive state of mind. In my head, I am galavanting about like Ed Grimley about to meet Pat Sajak, "I couldn't be more excited, I must say... it's making me mental." This year, 2008, will be a stellar, auspicious year for your's truly. Today I met two very special family members for the first time. My brother and his family have come back to our hometown for a visit. For some, that isn't something to write home about. However, we haven't seen each other since our father passed away in 1999. You could ask what in the world has prevented us from seeing each other for so long. Circumstances simply didn't allow it. I lived in Georgia, they in Arizona and our paths just never connected. For me, finances are always a hurdle to jump. We've kept in touch to some degree, but more recently we've been talking with greater depth. We were always close as youngsters, but life has a way of grabbing you by your undies and i...