Rapier's Wit

This post is from August 22, 2010! Man, what a difference 5 years makes. I've been through a lot in that time. One major change is that ... well, the change has occurred and the subject matter of the post below is moot. However, it is amusing to me all the same. I found it while looking through notes posted on Facebook. I didn't realize they existed anymore. I thought Facebook had done away with them long ago. Anyway, enjoy my ramblings about being 45 and facing hormonal changes. Also, enjoy my collar bones and singular chin in the photo to the left. I'd lost over 40 lbs. I'm mega fatter in comparison now. Sadness. Working on that again.  Right to the point: I'm a girl who has needed a check up from the neck up. Thumbing through the Yellow Pages for a shrink isn't what is inferred. Although, that would probably do me a world of good. After all, there are plenty of reasons for the manner in which I act and react to situations in my life. Knee jerk reactions t...

YOU'RE WELCOME! HAPPY THANKSGIVING NIGHTMARES ARE ON ME.

Are you familiar with the game? If not, you must live under a rock. Go knock yourself senseless with a rubber spatula or something while the fun kids play the game. A couple of 'net friends are administrators of a fun page on Facebook called Retrochicks . On that page a promise of a rousing game of boff, marry, kill was promised for this evening. They replaced the profane word used in the title of this post because ... I guess because it is more retro. I don't know. Don't grill me. Damn. In preparation for the evening festivities, Jane, one of the admins, posted this link to an interactive rendition of the game. It is rather silly. According to the creator there are right and wrong answers. The only ones I chose correctly are the ones to f#@k with exception to Adam Levine (Battle of the Adams). One Adam I don't even recognize so I chose to kill him. In the Michael round I got the f#@k right on a guess. The Michael I know of is Michael Cera. Quite frankly, there...

Listen, my brain is a cavalcade of mish-mash lately.  Bear with me as I try to regain my ability to write cohesively (if that is ever possible with me) and form a decent  blog post.  In the meantime, this handy Facebook tag-a-long will be quite useful.  Thank you to my friend Angie Bailey of Catladyland for bestowing this upon me.  It came in the nick of time -- that's what friends are for! These rules apply if you're going to do this on Facebook. I'm not changing things up for the sake of the blog . To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your title as "Getting to know each other!", tag 25 people including me (tagging is done in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish. 1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:36  2. How do you like your steak? Rare -- meaning, I rarely eat red meat. It's nothing personal against cows nor is it a moral statement. My bo...

Kitty cats and video games.  The two things that my son loves. Our cats only give me attention when he's not around. Otherwise, they snub me for his attention.  I don't know what it is, seriously.  They dash away from me and run under beds.  Yet, with Mancub, they willfully go to him.  Silver is especially skittish with me. There's no chance of me holding her in my arms.  She becomes this spastic, skin shredding psycho.  With Mancub she's docile.  She anxiously awaits him each morning.  Every night after he showers she paces for him to emerge. Then, she races to the couch, meows as if commanding him to sit down so she can hop up on him and snuggle.  What really gets to me is the smug look she gives me as she cozies up to Mancub. After posting a few photos of my son with his furry companions, my friend and fellow blogger Angie Bailey asked if Mancub would like to be part of a regular feature on her blog Catladyland : Men Who Love Cats ....

The title of this post is nearly longer than the actual post itself.  When my friend Clark Brooks asked me to guest blog for him earlier this month I thought there was no possible way I could possibly fill in for him.  Clark is unique in his writing style.  That is intended as a form of flattery.  His ability to take what one might consider a mundane observation and turn it into an entire blog entry leaves me awe stricken.  Without a thought of what I'd write about, I sat here at my eight or more year old Dell computer handed down to me by the sister of a good friend when she got all fancy shmancy by upgrading to a Mac.  What transpired is pure gold.  It's as if the spirit of F. Scott Fitzgerald overcame me and my deep seated mental issues became my muse.  Please, go to Clark's blog, aptly titled, Ridiculously Inconsistent Trickle of Consciousness and read my entry.  But do not stop there. Peruse his other mindless ... err, well thought out...

My friend Angie tagged me in a note on Facebook. I'm doing it here because I want to. I'm a rebel. But not a rebel without a tune. Should you desire to play along, and you probably won't, here are the rules that are meant to be broken: 15 Random Songs Instructions: Once you've been tagged... (1) Open iTunes or other mp3 player. (2) Go to SHUFFLE songs mode. (3) Write down the first 15 songs that come up--song title and artist--NO editing/cheating, please. (4) Choose 20 (or so) people to be tagged. It is generally considered to be in good taste to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about your musical tastes, or at least a random sampling thereof. (To do this, go to "NOTES" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, enter your 15 Shuffle Songs, Click 'Preview' below to tag 15 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click Publish, the little blue ...

I just received this in an email from my sister.  Rather than follow directions (yeah, right!) I am posting it to my blog. You're welcome to copy and paste; change answers in the comments section or let me know you're posting it on your blog. Or just ignore it and go about your day. Where is your cell phone? Table Significant other? Nada Your hair? Colored Your mother? Deceased Your father? Dead Your favorite thing? Laughter Your dream last night? Prison Your Favorite Drink? Soda What room are you in? Dining Your hobby? Surfing Your fear? Loss Where do you want to be in 6 years? Alive Where were you last night? Here Something that you aren't? Thin Muffins? Chubby Wish list item? Disney Last thing you did? Bagel What are you wearing? Smile TV? On Your pets? Meow Friends? Loved Your life? Contentment Your mood? Surly Missing someone? Always Drinking? Java Your car? Saturn Something you're not wearing? Bra Your ...

A meme is :  An idea that, like a gene, can replicate and evolve.  A unit of cultural information that represents a basic idea that can be transferred from one individual to another, and subjected to mutation, crossover and adaptation.  A cultural unit (an idea or value or pattern of behavior) that is passed from one generation to another by nongenetic means (as by imitation); “memes are the cultural counterpart of genes”. Or in regards to the Internet:A meme spread online could be just about anything that is voluntarily shared, including phrases, images, rumors and audio or video files. An Internet meme might originate and stay online. However, frequently memes cross over and may spread from the offline world to online or vice-versa.  Generally, memes are useful when a blogger is stuck and requiring mental stimulation -- inspiration to release the creative block. Once in awhile I will participate in such a thing if I'm at a loss for words. Typically, those time...

Please accept my apologies.  I've not been diligent about writing. Sometimes the mood just doesn't strike. How other people write daily is beyond me.  To those of you who check my little corner in the blogosphere for new material, I am dutiful sorry for my absence.  It will happen again so I won't make empty promises I cannot keep. With that being said, my creativity is still lacking.  Blame the bitter cold.  In the thirty minutes that I've been at my computer the temperature has actually dropped two degrees.  Currently we have a reading of -11°F.  Yes, that is a negative sign sitting arrogantly in front of the eleven.  I walked to the post office and little grocer yesterday. I thought it was foolish to warm up the car for just a 2 block hop, skip and a jump.  My tushy, in spite of all the blubber layering, didn't manage to lose the chill for a couple hours. What's really shocking is that my fingers and toes didn't lose circulation and turn...

I was given this award by a fellow blogger who is out of this world funny, smart, list-a-rific and just an overall wonderful lady. And yes, she's quite creative (I'm struggling with the award's spelling of the word.). I'm talking about Angie Bailey at Eclectic Catladyland . Say that 10 times fast. When given such a prestigious award, naturally there are conditions and rules to be followed as a recipient. They are as follows: 1. Thank the person who gave this to you. 2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog. 3. Link the person who nominated you. 4. Name 7 things about yourself that no one would really know. 5. Nominate seven 'Kreativ Bloggers' 6. Post links to the seven blogs you nominate 7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them. Numbers 1-3 are completed. Now, to share seven things you probably don't already know about me. Hmmm This is going to be a bit of a trick. I kind of put it all out there, but I'll do my...

In a quest to give the gloomy skies a shove off, I turned to music. Sometimes doing a happy dance in ones underpants can rid the soul of mental gray matter. While I don't have the powers of Mother Nature, my 'rain, rain go away!' dance has been known to work wonders. My dance recently saved a friend's garage sale from impending doom due to severe rain. When the Relay For Life was being threatened by a dismal day, I turned it around to complete blue sky and sunshine. For that one I put out a distress call online. So, I can't take all the credit for that one. The area weather has been overcast, rainy and thunderous (at times) for three days. Enough is enough! I can't take it. Sunshine is needed. Youtube is often a great resource because of the other suggestions given. I've disc overed a lot of artists with this process. This morning I sought out the tunage of GO WEST . You remember those guys, right? Cute lead singer (Peter Cox) with short hair and guita...

I wanted to post something amusing, but I wasn't feeling ultra creative. Like so many bloggers who hit the proverbial brick wall, I went in search of something pre-fab, but probably not FAB in the sense of fabulous. It's just OK. www.quizcat.com myspace surveys , myspace backgrounds coolest widgets. rapidshare search

I got tagged for this on Facebook from fellow Stuck in the '80s and wicked cool Steve Perry fan-girl Carla. Now, I'm sharing the inane with my devoted and beloved readers. Aren't you lucky! If you've been tagged or you are reading this, you have the honor of copying all these goofy questions, writing your own response, and tagging 25 other victims. You have to tag me so really you just need 24 more people. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your title as "Getting to know each other!", tag 25 people including me (tagging is done in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish. 1. What time did you get up this morning? 4:30 -- I planned on 6:00. 2. How do you like your steak? Medium 3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Land of the Lost 4. What is your favorite TV show? Forensic Files and The Inves...

Basically I am lacking in creativity. I'm also acutely aware that many of my readers (OK, the 5 of you that regularly visit) might have missed out on some of my proudest posts. I apologize to those of you who've read these previously. Who knows, maybe my shared thoughts about breasts and shopping for over the shoulder boulder holders have been painfully pushed to the deepest recesses of your minds. And now I am forcing you to have instant recall! (and recoil.) One of the reasons the subtitle to this blog involves "pursuit of the perfect bra" is due to my inability to find an ideal fit for my basooms. It's not rocket science, or is it? I don't think it's my fault that I am not able to find a brassier that fits comfortably and properly. Manufacturers are sadistic bastards. That's what! What made me think of these revealing tales was a test that I took on Facebook. Yes, those are not only major time sucks but they are completely and utterly (udder...

I have a long week ahead of me. For you regular Nine to Fivers you'll think I'm a big whiny baby. To someone in the retail bizz, you'll understand why working five days in a row with varied shifts presents itself as bothersome and arduous. For instance, I work 11:30 to 9:00 (PM) today and turn around and toss myself into the kettle again at 9:00 AM. No breather beyond sleeping. The light at the tunnel is that I'm off on Saturday and that gives me a sense of normalcy. So, for today's post I am giving you a meme. At least it's something and hopefully it'll evoke some thought. Consider it my gift to aid your brain in waking up. Because I like to give credit where credit is due, I found this via Google search on the blog Curious as a Cat . I have a feeling I may resort to this from time to time. 1) What is the best thing you have ever won as a prize? I recently won a 3 month membership to Gold's Gym when I bought raffle tickets at our local Relay For...

If I could punch a movie in the face ... Yes, I am a volatile person. I have potential to be, that is. I keep the violence contained in my head and don't let it travel to my fists, but rest assured if I ever unleash all this pent up fire beneath it will be a hailstorm of fury that'll make Chuck Norris seem like a whimpering pussy. It has been said that when I'm passionate about something I give it full on support. Likewise, when I despise something, I am equally passionate in my disgust and distaste for the subject matter. That includes people. So, watch out! In the last installment, I revealed the winners of the punch in the pie hole. For review you can go here to see the winners along with my reasoning (quite honestly I don't think I have to justify anything. I just hate the movies.). While I compile this next list, I am torturing myself as St. Elmo's Fire churns out it's shittastic dialogue on AMC. It basically has tossed kerosene on the fire. So, wit...

I was just on Facebook and read a note posted by Angie Bailey aka Eclectic Catladyland . She listed fifteen songs that have been influential or conjures up a specific memory in her life. There are numerous songs that come on the radio or pop up on my iPod and I am immediately transported. It's like stepping into a time machine. So, without further ado, I give you myTEN in no particular order. Like Angie, I am listing off the top of my head as they come to me. In addition, I provide explanation. I must warn you that many songs are otherwise shittastic. Forgiveness isn't necessary. 1. True ~ Spandau Balle t: I had a huge crush on a guy my first and second semester at Kankakee Community College. Whenever I saw him outside of school, TRUE seemed to be playing on the radio. I never did connect with him. He was the kind of guy who was awesome to look at but rather vapid. 2. Brand New Key ~ Melanie : I was a just a little kid and actually thought the song was about roller...

Last Thursday (June 11) I paid a visit to The Deal Divas' blog on tampabay.com because writer Stephanie Hayes covered the recent cosmetic prescription to hit the scene. It's being promoted by Brooke Shields. The claim is that this product will help eyelashes grow thicker. Latisse is the brand name. The blog post is short and provides links for information about the product. No, I didn't click and read. That, apparently, was my first mistake. My second mistake was voicing my opinion on money wasted for cosmetic reasons without having done research first. I didn't realize that research was required to comment on a blog about fashion. I assumed the information I needed was contained within the content of the original blog item. I blindly jumped up on my soapbox. I should know better, but I was irritated for whatever reason ... probably from being bombarded with Enzyte commercials that day. Today I returned to see what the Divas were offering up and I discovered th...

I've entered a photo contest. I do not proclaim to be a good or even mediocre photographer. My pics are taken on a cute, pink Sony Cybershot that I got on sale at Target. It suits my needs. So, please don't expect to see award winning snapshots. I'm just having a good time and it takes my mind off having a car with jacked up a/c. The sponsor of this scavenger hunt like photo contest is Eaglehawk . The rules were simple (thank God because I have a hard time following rules and instructions.) Here are the required items: Baseball, Flag, Corn, Dog, Cow, Train, Turtle, Out of Control, Pizza, Heat, House, Roses, Wheel, Jungle Gym, Squirrel and Bottle Mancub had to dig this out of his closet This was snapped while driving around a historic neighborhood Look ma! No hands. It's stuffed, but it's canine-like. This is the post mooing form of cow: Meatballs This reflects physical training ... if ever utilized. Cowabunga, Dude! Silver attacking an innocent ruler. Sh...