Rapier's Wit

It is 12: 05 as I begin to write this. A new year has begun. Woo-freakin'-hoo! Once upon a time I viewed each new year as a welcome to hopeful new beginnings. Now, it is more about me screwing up while writing a check. ** The neighborhood yay-hoos are setting off fireworks and it irritates the piss out of me. Loud booms bring me no thrill. I'm overtired which makes Miss Riss a tad cantankerous. I could have waited until daylight to start writing this, but prefer to write while inspired - good or bad . ** Set the bar low and pretty much anything relatively okay equals something faboo except in dating and dining out. 2018 wasn't a total shit show. Early in the year I quit a job that made me absolutely miserable. The people I worked with were, to be blunt, a collection of everything I never wanted to be and prayed I never encounter again. As individuals they may have been acceptable specimens, but together they defined Mean Girls. I walked away from it and have not regre...

The other day I received a wrong number text. Instead of being quick by telling the sender 'wrong number,' I got creative like all those people who end up on Tumblr and Buzz Feed. First, I had to high tail it to Google and search a photo. My initial thought was an image depicting a person excited about cookies. Search: COOKIES Enter the screenshot. Hmmm That photo wasn't going to do the ... WAIT A MINUTE! Wait a cotton pickin' booger flickin' minute! What is Google suggesting as a related search? Let me point it out Who would have thunk to add THAT to cookies or any baked goods. I imagine Martha Stewart sitting at her kitchen counter after a tryst with the gardener or the butcher ... ya know, she's whipping up a post-coital snack to rev back up to go in for a second round...and BAM! What ever could she do with excess semen? You're welcome! Now we both have that disturbing image in our heads. Ho, ho, ho. Here's the screenshot of the te...

The other night while babbling with a friend on the phone we segued into things that annoy us. Some stuff is personally unique while other items are likely commonplace irritants for many. Off the top of my head few things sprang to mind. As the days have marched on I managed to make a mental list.  Oh, you think Thanksgiving Day doesn't seem to be the right day of the year to voice those little things that eat away at me? Ask yourself for as long as you've known me have you seen me follow the typical path? When everyone else is posting heartfelt, earnest posts, I want it to be known that I'm different. If that irks you... oops. You are reading the wrong blog. OK. Shall we commence with the Rissues list of November 2013? Whispering in movies and commercials. I don't know what it is, but it makes me ears bleed... and mother like son. It drives Mancub mad, too. Couples who share a Facebook, social network, email account. You never know which one of them ...

Conversation started August 1 8/1, 12:55pm Davis Clark Ben Hi Beauty Angel, Sweet, lovely, honest, trust, caring, kind and enduring is you and I hope you are in good health. Am Engineer Davis Clark and am from the United Kingdom. I work as an Engineer with Mobil Exxon. I am a single Dad and my wife died after 2yrs i was divorced and I have being praying for a new love to come by. I don't know why am telling you all these but just want to be open minded with you. Precisely, am not getting any younger and my dream is to have a wife i can called my own which i will spend all my life with, my wealth and the rest of my life. Your profile struck my eyes and went straight to my heart. You really look like someone who is easy going with and just like in my dreams and what I desire although its weird am telling you this for my first letter to you but like I said I want to be open minded and not hiding in shadows. I love Vacation, Outing with family, Beach Walk as ...

The other day I questioned why this blog sits empty more and more. Then, it hit me. Twitter and Facebook. You see, what used to be the topics of babbling on the blog have become 140 character mind bytes. Then, if those meandering thoughts and opinions strike a chord or nerve with those who read them, they'll comment, like or just ignore. Immediate gratification. I tweet it. Boom!  The thoughts and ideas vamoose leaving me with nothing else to say... well, nothing more than 140 characters. I miss this. You know, putting words together to form sentences that create paragraphs. Sure, my grammar is often questionable. The good news for me is that I don't give a shit. HA! The good news for you is that I know the majority of lessons we learned in primary school. Do not request that I diagram a sentence. We learned that in 8th grade when I had a language arts teacher nicknamed Bubbles. The hormonally charged class spent so much time psychologically tormenting the extremely sensi...

If you've been stalk following me for more than a year, then you know I had some issues with my left leg. Wait, did I blog about that horrible experience or did I manage to keep it to myself? I keep very little about my life to myself. What I mean is that I may have only reported the ugliness on Facebook. OK. In March of 2012 a funky bump appeared on my lower left leg. I, being stupid, picked at it. Despite bandaging, treating it with triple antibiotic cream etc... the damned thing would not heal. After 2 months of that nonsense I sought out WebMd. (You thought I was going to say medical treatment, didn't you?) There was a myriad of possibilities and I treated the wound accordingly. From soaking it with apple cider vinegar to coating it with hydrogen peroxide, it only got worse. Surprise! Hey, I wanted a homeopathic remedy. In the long run it was foolish. Don't you dare wag your finger at me. When our vacation to California was quickly approaching, I made haste, fina...

What else is there to do on the day after Mother's day other than video blogging? I could have written some things down ... earnest things ... but the mood wasn't there. Instead, I give you the following. I felt redemption was in order regarding my aesthetic in the above video. Just watch and I explain. Sort of. Kinda

Today after I received multiple injections in my left leg -- part of treatment for totally grody varicose veins -- I walked across the clinic's parking lot to imbibe in coffee and a bagel. (French toast crunch, if you must know.) There I sat sipping my hazelnut coffee and scrolling through Google News when a woman who, judging by the volume of her voice, seemed oblivious that she was inside a restaurant where most people read and chill rather than a rock concert, came strolling over.  She was greeted by a couple others and went on to explain why she was late to what sounded like a weekly gathering. It was then that it seemed a grand idea for me to post what I overheard to Facebook. Rather than retype what has already been put into words, I copied and now shall execute the paste: FYI, apparently the plural of breakfasts is breakfastes ... At least according to the woman behind me. Marissa Rapier   A man sitting across from me has the u...