Rapier's Wit

Christian was one of those guys who managed to ease himself into my life. We met online through a dating site. I was without a vehicle and feeling pretty down in the dumps when we met. I'd reached a point where I just wanted to be rescued. Every other man I had dated didn't want me on my terms. Everything was based on their personal needs -- and they had many that required more than one woman. I'm not fond of being part of a harem. In my opinion, there is one Hugh Hefner. We needn't have more. I hadn't always managed to be fiscally responsible. I was bumming rides from friends and co-workers as a result of getting behind on payments for my Mitsubishi Mirage. Talk about a major blow to one's ego and credit report. Chris was understanding of my no-ride situation and told me about his former situation when he was homeless and basically living in a tent at the state park. This built a bizzarro bond between us. His empathy gave me cause to trust him. Our friendship g...

Mike Myers is at it again. If you don't love his movies then you're just a goombah doofus who has no sense of humor. Mind you, that's just my opinion. I laughed until I nearly pee'd myself while watching "Austin Powers." My friends sat there wondering if I had smoked something wicked prior to viewing. I simply pooh-poohed their lack of laughter and declared myself a superior funny person. HA! I laugh. Now, watch this video and get on with your self-loving mambo. ohhhmmmmm ~ Mariska Hargitay Sutra 1 - "I'm Ordering some Happy, and make it Snappy"

I graduated from high school in 1983. My senior year was stellar. I had no idea what I was heading for; nor did it matter. My friends and I just seemed to make the most of that year as we forged ahead believing we were ruled. I had very few core classes in my two semesters as a senior. For me, the only thing that mattered were the courses -- a term used loosely -- at the Lincoln Cultural Center. It had been determined a year prior that our school district was deserving of a center devoted to fine arts. A huge government grant had been acquired. For the two school years that made up my junior and senior years, I would end my day with two hours of dance and choir. Essentially, those hours were all about show choir. For those of you who don't know what that is, instead of standing on risers and singing in harmony, we'd sing while executing choreography. Being in " The Celebration Singers " required auditioning. A great time would be had as we participated in competition...

Whenever I stumble across freebies, I like to share. Consider it part of my giving nature. Hoarding is only part of my nature if it happens to be designer shoes in my size at Payless BOGO prices. As I've stated before, I am a lover of Amazon.com. I frequently buy my MP3s from there because the price is typically less than iTunes , and is automatically added to my iTunes playlist. The freebie download on iTunes this week is a country song. And I'm not inclined to download country unless it's one of those novelty tunes like Kenny Chesney's "Shift Work" -- even if it's free. Unlike iTunes, Amazon has more than one free download available and it's for longer than a week. Like that pair of glorious 3 inch heel boots I bought for 90% off the retail price, it's worth it even if only used once. Last night I received the weekly newsletter from Amazon and boy, oh boy, was I thrilled. They had real weiners on the new freebie download list. Here is a list of ...

I know, I know. I have to eat my own words regarding people singing Freddie Mercury on American Idol. EVER. This time someone got it right. Michael Johns did a really good job with "We Are The Champions/We Will Rock You." Considering what he had to work with -- the back-up singers were off key and not as impressive as usual. FINALLY Roo brought out his cojones and showed them to us ... in a manner of speaking. The other most notable and worth watching performance came from David Cook. He did a cover of a cover. In other words, he rocked Chris Cornell's version of Michael Jackson's "Billy Jean" I can't get over how well it went. He might have a little smugness working against him, but when you can perform like he does, smug-it-up, buddy! As for the other eight performances? Meh. I don't care, really. When the performances get you down, the best place to be is in snarkyland aka Sean Daly's blog . That's where I go when I need friends who think...

My friend Kim posted this on my myspace page and It's just too good not to share. Has a man ever told you (or have you ever told a woman) that you're going to make love all night long? Has he growled about his sexual prowess? Have you been left aching afterwards? ... aching for the promise that he couldn't keep, that is. Seriously, do you want that? Quite frankly, I'm thinking there's not enough KY or Astroglide in the world that'd make me want it A L L N I G H T long. Eesh, talk about overkill. ha! Just give it to me, baby, and let me get some sleep. There's nothing to prove. I'm simply not that flexible anymore and I don't need to brag you up to my friends. Most of them are men anyway and it would probably gross them out to hear.

On Friday, March 21 I bid adieu to a colleague who'd been with the same company for eighteen years. We weren't employed by the same operation, but we worked rather closely as our individual businesses are sisters by corporate ownership. It will be an enormous change and I'll miss our conversations. We were similar in age and shared our tales of being teens in the 80s. His love for the music and movies of said decade was nearly as deep as mine. On his daily pilgrimages to our store, time would pass quickly and my mood would lighten as we laughed and discussed our lives before marriage and children. From time to time we'd share parental humor. Those looking on assumed he had a crush on me. I was very dismissive at the notion. We simply had a lot in common. Weeks ago I had told him about the value of a Rhino Records Valley Girl CD. Later on that same day, that CD materialized in his hands; a highly coveted disc. He owned it. I pawed it as if it were the Holy Grail of 80s m...

It came on this day. An Urban Word of the Day that suits me. Freak Flag: A characteristic, mannerism, or appearance of a person, either subtle or overt, which implies unique, eccentric, creative, adventurous or unconventional thinking. David Crosby refers to long hair as a freak flag in his song Almost Cut My Hair. "I feel like letting my freak flag fly." Movie Character Ben compliments Meredith in The Family Stone, "You have a freak flag...you just don't fly it ." Can you dig it? I suggest that everybody take the time to explore their inner freak; get to know that other side of you. Once in awhile, allow that little cheeky freak to surface and have some fun.

My son and I ventured out to the theater today. It marks the first day of his Spring Break! Since he's too young to partay with the babes and bros in Florida, hanging out with mom will have to do. Choices were very limited. The only real option was Horton Hears a Who . In no way was I disappointed; nor was he. Lots of fun and shenanigans to behold. I just can't bring myself to hate anything Seussian. It's the law. I'm not writing a review or a synopsis of the flick. I mean, who hasn't read the book? It's worth the ticket price. What I am writing about is the use of an REO Speedwagon song at the end. Horton and the residents of Whoville start singing, "I Can't Fight This Feeling." There I sat wearing my Stuck In the 80s tshirt and singing along. It's all further proof that the 80s shall reign as a superior decade ... even in the world of Seuss.

Today I am stepping away from my recent blaze of frivolity on here. There are times when I feel the need to be earnest and boastful. I have one child. He is, without a doubt, the light of my Earthly life. Without him, I wouldn't fully comprehend and muster the ability to share unconditional love. He's had struggles; yet, he tenaciously overcomes each one of them. I suppose I should take credit for helping him conquer his fears and learning disabilities. However, I feel I've done nothing more than any parent would do for their offspring. He's overcome most of his learning issues ( see Asperger's Syndrome ) due to the phenomenal teachers who've graced his school years. Without them, I would have lost patience and done a lot more crying. I realize that not ever parent can say that. We've been fortunate. Man-cub receives a mainstream education without outside resource classes. He has made leaps and bounds in his first year as a teen-ager in junior high school. I...

No, not literally Peter Frampton. David Cook learned how to use Frampton's signature gadget -- the guitar talk box and rocked Day Tripper ala Whitesnake. That's all you really need to know about tonight. He worked it to his advantage. He's also lucky the rest of them were forgettable. Or were the other 10 merely dust in the wind in light of David's kick-ass performance? This was dreadful. Horrible use of Beatles songs. I wish I hadn't used up the last of my tequila last week. I can't get those 118 minutes of my life back that were swished down the drain. I'm pleading with Michael Johns to stop taking the sentimental avenue and just rock it out! Sheesh! Good night, everybody. See you at elimination.

Yes, he's gorgeous, talented, and now a doll at my fingertips. Thanks to my cyber-friend Jane , I can undress Michael Johns whenever I want to. I can make him drop his pants and strip off his shirt. For you guys, you can (un) dress Paula Abdul up in your love, but seriously ... I think all it would take is a shot of vodka. If you're interested in having a bit of fun while you're working. Or, you're killing time before the show comes on this evening, here's the place to be . The other American Idols can be toyed with, too. Sean Daly , you can go dress up Amanda Overmyer . Please, no more 'Maude' attire... and you might want to wear gloves, my dear. Go on; have fun. Michael has on way too many clothes.

My friend Jeff H. posted this on Myspace, and I thought it worthy of making it here. He probably knows more about music than anyone I've ever known. The more obscure it is, the more likely he'll have all the tidbits. I worked with him making eyeglasses and always wondered why in the world he wasn't involved in the music industry in some capacity. He and I would crack each other up with talk that only made sense to us. His British humor slayed me; he awed me with his intelligence. O'Rafferty's Motor Car (Tommie Connor) Now Dinny O'Rafferty's motor car Is the greatest I declare It's made up of bits and pieces That he's picked up here and there The engine must be ages old But it's still got lots of power With a gallon of stout in the petrol tank It does ninety miles an hour What a wonderful motor car It's the greatest ever seen It used to be black as me father's hat Now it's forty shades of green On TV and the radio And in every public b...

IMEEM is my latest addiction. I'm not alone. Several regulars on the Stuck in the 80s blog are hooked. It's fun. It's free. It's righteous. I have been creating playlists like a mad woman. As with iTunes, I need a theme for my personal compilations. The hodge-podge method leaves me feeling like I've forgotten to put on underpants. The following playlist is incomplete. I need your assistance. Help me add songs in which words are spelled out. Let's leave off the Sesame Street tunes and educational sorts; too easy. I'm looking for tunage similar to those I've already added. Are you ready? I know there are musical masters who read this blog.

Sundays should be a day of rest, relaxation and recreation with family. The idea that my place of business is open leaves me feeling disturbed. I've worked for this company nearly twelve years; yet, I can't quite wrap my brain around working on Sunday. That's the day when the Man-cub and I just chill and enjoy hanging out. Once in awhile we'll find ourselves hanging out with other family members. The point is that Sunday is our time. Tomorrow I am fortunate enough to have the day off. I was off today because a 'vulture' willingly pecked at the carcass of a schedule and took my hours. Vacation hours well spent. We've decided that we'll go see a movie. We have a ton of DVDs that have yet to be viewed, but Man-cub and I need a change. We used to make a ritual of seeing movies in the theater at least twice a month before moving back to Illinois. The theaters near us in Georgia were far nicer and we had an IMAX theater close by. FANTASTIC! We're nowhere c...

No St. Patrick's Day would be complete without the inclusion of a snippet of bagpipes from Chicago's South side. What makes even more complete is that they are playing Amazing Grace. I work with a doctor who plays the bagpipes. It's not everyday that you meet someone who chooses to play this instrument. It's not easy. It takes a lot of practice; preferably outdoors. Bagpipes are loud. Loud really doesn't describe the sound emitted. Keep in mind they can be heard across the Highlands ... a battle cry. Last year on St. Patrick's Day, as a treat to all of us at the mall where we're employed, he played Amazing Grace . I have to tell you it was awe inspiring. The song itself always brings me to tears. Hearing it on the bagpipes evokes grander emotion. People were stopping to take video with their camera phones. He repeated the act on New Year's Day and played Auld Lang Syne. Both times it could be heard throughout the mall. With defiance (and applause), he c...

I'm an amazonian. I love Amazon.com MP3 downloads. They are often cheaper than iTunes and just as easy to use. They aren't as expansive as Apple iTunes, but I always check there first anyway. As a subscriber to the MP3 newsletter, I get notices of free and greatly reduced digital albums or specials. Today's email contained this and I felt obligated to share it. Amazon MP3 Let them choose from millions of items› Amazon.com Gift Cards Your Amazon.com Today's Deals See All Departments Dear Amazon.com Customer, As someone who purchased alternative rock music, you might be interested in downloading the new 36 song Nine Inch Nails album, Ghosts I-IV, available now for just $5 at Amazon MP3 . Recorded over ten weeks and conceived by Trent Reznor as a soundtrack to daydreams, this four volume set is only available digitally through Amazon MP3 and the band's official website.All digital music downloads at Amazon MP3 are free of DRM software, which means they will play on on...

This playlist is to honor the day I opened my sunroof for the first time of the year. Yes, yesterday temperatures hit above 60 degrees Fahrenheit. It was a sunny, glorious day. I deafened passersby by cranking the Blaupunkt well beyond a healthy level.

I was doing a random search for black and white photos. I love the depth and texture of B & W photography. This truly cool photo drew me in immediately. It was posted on the flicker account of Jon Oakley . I'd happily enlarge this shot and put it on my son's bedroom wall. I don't think I need to say anything more.

Word association is the name of the game. Since St. Patrick's Day is just around the corner -- I hear the bagpipes warming up -- I thought this might be a fun quicky before chugging green beer and chowing down on corned beef, cabbage and red potatoes. Your answers can be a song, band, album, movie, general word ... whatever you think of first when you see these ten words. Are you ready? Go! Green: Day Beer: Fest Harp: Angels Irish: Bono Celtic: Basketball Gold: Album Luck: Superstition March: Parade Folk: Dylan Stone: Rolling (gathers no moss)

In a sense I do wish that I could gag myself and vomit. In doing so, however, I would be forced to relive and re-taste the nastiest, most vile concoction of my short Nutrisystem experience. Seriously, this stuff tasted as sweaty gym socks smell. You know how something can be so pungent that it actually finds its way to your taste buds? And then comes that gag reflex? Well, my supper was something of a nightmare. For dinner tonight, I made my son Chinese food. I attempt to coordinate our dinners so they are similar. Unfortunately, I had nothing along the same lines in my NS cupboard. Therefore, I opted for the BBQ sauce with beef, beans and rice. Oh dear God! I wish I had ipecac on hand. I wish I could rinse my nostrils free of the odor. That stuff was so gross. I was starving, too. My green beans were no longer edible. I was so grateful my dinner salad was tasty. Gnawing on a paper plate would have been more palatable than this slop. I thought last night's dinner couldn't be to...

I'm no different than anyone else; I like free stuff. I like freebies when the item is something I can fully appreciate and share. I'm all about legal acquisition of music via iTunes, Amazon.com or any other legitimate MP3 downloading service. Since I first started downloading music on iTunes, I have taken advantage of their free downloads of the week. Some of them are fantastic; some are just blah. For instance, on the keepers list I have Guillemots ' Trains to Brazil. It's no longer free, but still worth a penny shy of a dollar. This week's offer is for a sassy artist who goes by Duffy. I listened to the 30 second snippet and figured it was worth the price: FREE. I like it. Her voice is somewhat comparable to a heliumed up Cheetah Girl who has taken a course in rhythm and blues and kicked it up a notch from 33 rpm to 78 rpm. I guess to read that one might think I don't like her sound. It had me up out of my chair and dancing around the piles of laundry. Amazo...

Yes, my dear friends. David Archuleta botched the lyrics whilst in the pimp spot. I don't know if the bigger stage and brighter lights made him fumble, but, unlike Brandon from last year, David has a huge following. He might slip a rung or two, but this won't be fatal. My 'Roo performed an exquisite song, but the judges -- primarily Randy and Simon--said he only managed to keep it mediocre with "Across the Universe." Michael Johns are you losing your fire? I don't think so. I loved it. It was low key in comparison to your past ventures, but I still support you. He took the route of evoking emotion rather than oozing with Aussie sexuality. Maybe he needs to revisit his first performance and channel Jim Morrison and Michael Hutchence. Or maybe his fans love him just the way he is. Carly gave her best performance to date with her take on "Come Together." She says she always performs this song when she's doing a show. It shows that she knows th...

I grew up on the Beatles. My siblings were all older. Being that I was born in 1965, I was exposed early on to the British mop-tops. I've often heard it stated by a more youthful group that they don't 'get' why the Beatles were such a sensation. ::sigh:: It's only a huge phenomenon that you had to live to understand, I suspect. Were the musical geniuses when they first hopped across the pond? No, but they gave us what we needed at that time in history. Now the producers and brain-trust of American Idol ask our 12 finalists to make new what is decades old. You know if some of the performers don't put a new twist on a song they'll be chastised and beaten down by the judges. It's hard to guess what songs the kids will pick. Afterall, there are over 300 songs to choose from. They need to be wise. They need to be creative. They must nail it. Amanda Overmyer : Drive My Car since I lost my license to a DUI. OR, Get by with a little help from my friends -- who ...

I am one strong broad. There's no way around it. No prose to ease in to declaring this fact. I may not look like the toned, muscular (green) freak of nature to the left; however, I can keep up with the boys when it comes to moving appliances and furniture. *Doesn't this graphic of She Hulk look like Charlize Theron? Her face, not biceps and forearms.* My sister and her boys were in need of assistance moving. I had figured I'd do light work such as packing breakables in bubble wrap. Little did I realize beforehand that I was the help. My adult nephew (in law) showed up, too. He's a big, strong guy with many moves under his belt. While my sister packed and pointed to the things she needed to survive initially, Boy-wonder and I loaded up the moving truck. Heave-ho, bend at the knees, lift with the legs. God certainly gave me these gargantuan thighs for a reason. Even when thin I have girthy thighs. Muscle exists under the layers of cellulite and flubber. The couches and ...

This is an open letter to all singers who think they can perform a Queen song: YOU CANNOT! Stop it. Please halt all delusions that you're good enough. You are not. No one in their right might attempts this song and actually believes they'll receive praise from anyone other than an inebriated Paul Abdul. If your name isn't George Michael, you cannot cover Queen. It's pure and simple. This is an abomination and blasphemous act thrust at the memory of Freddie Mercury and Queen and their fans. Anyone who is ignorant enough to try to sing Who Wants To live Forever was most likely not born prior to Freddie's death. If you appreciated his style and showmanship you'd know better. Cease and desist all further botched attempts to sing his works. Thank you. With that out of the way, I give you the master. The King of all front men. The genius that is Freddie Mercury and Queen. This is the official video for Who Wants to Live Forever. It is followed by a live clip of their...

OK, fantabulous Lydia has this on her blog. Naturally, I had to follow suit and share. There are ten questions about movies you've viewed. Be as elaborate or brief as you choose. Here we go! 1. The First movie that made you cry: I'm a cryer. There's never been a doubt about that, but the one film that is embedded in my memory for causing me to nearly go into convulsions was Terms of Endearment . I had lost my mother to cancer a couple years prior to this movie coming out. My father took me not realizing what the movie was about. By the time Debra Winger's character passes away, I was in a fit of tears. Dad had to escort me out of the theater because my tears and sobs were so intense that I could hardly walk or see. I haven't managed to watch the movie again. 2. The movie that everyone else seems to love, but you do not: Titanic . Maybe I'm just too cynical, but up until the ship sank, I was wondering when it was going to hit the iceberg and put me out of my m...

This calls for a giant font: I just got off the scale after eating (silly) and I've lost 7lbs. I don't care where it's from, I'll take it! WEE!!

Ah, Luke Menard . I did have high hopes for this handsome young man with family from this very town of Kankakee, Illinois. His looks are constantly compared to that of Orlando Bloom. Sadly, America wasn't keen on his tenor voice. His song choice of Wham's Wake me up before you go go was an instant death sentence. He would have been better off doing Weird Al's parody of Bad. There was no doubt that the former a capella group singer would be voted off before getting into the top 12. It's clear that the Idol contestants think they are better than they really are. Well, most of them, anyway. The singers who have real talent seem to sell themselves short and play it safe. Then there are those mediocre warblers who take on gigantic songs; Kady Malloy , I'm talking to you. She had the audacity to attempt one of the most dramatic songs of the 80s. A song performed by one of the all time great bands and front man of ALL time: Queen and Freddie Mercury. Steve Spears put i...