Monday, November 10, 2008

Super Wal-Mart; Major FAIL!

I avoid going to Wal-Mart as much as possible. There are times,however, that necessitate embarking on a courageous endeavor to the Land of Sam. Yesterday was one of those times.

Man-cub is a collector of Yu-Gi-OH! cards. If you don't' know what they are; please don't ask me. Think baseball cards for the anime' age -- sans bubblegum.

Anyway, the boy wanted to pick up a new set and Wal-Mart, he was certain, had the cards he wanted. So me, being uber cool and very accommodating, figured I'd pick up some toiletries, groceries, window washer fluid, a tire gauge and anything else that caught my frugal eye. WOO! Wal-Mart, after all, is the sink hole of dancing smiley faces guaranteeing something or other involving value.

Man-cub quickly located the desired cards and found me perusing the less than impressive meat selection. He plopped them in the cart and, per the norm, asked if he could go to electronics to play games. "I'm not going to ask to buy a game. I just want to kill time while you shop." Who can argue that? And he's a young man of his word.

My choices for Sunday's dinner were growing slimmer and slimmer. I wanted pot roast, but refuse to pay astronomical prices for cow. I settled for pork chops. They'll do fine in the crock pot. I didn't fill my cart, but I got the essentials. NO! Nutella isn't absolutely necessary, but I've heard so many people discussing their orgasmic experiences with the stuff that I needed to put it in my cupboard. Goodness knows there ain't nothin' else hap'nin in my dusty Old Mother Hubbard (if you know what I mean.)

I digress.

The boy likes to have popcorn to snack on. I prefer a specific brand of microwave popcorn. Wal-mart SUPER CENTER would surely have a vast variety, right? WRONG. W-R-O-N-G! They had two kinds. TWO. Dos. Deux. Orville Redenbacher and weird named stuff. Uncle Willie's? Uncle This Ain't the brand I like! We prefer ActII or Pop Secret. Neither were staring at me on the shelf. I walked away. I searched high and low for my preferred brand. What the heck? I used to buy it all the time in the value box at the old non SUPER Wal-Mart.

FINE! I'll buy a bag of popcorn and make it the old fashioned way. You know, the kind you put in a pan with oil. Shake, shake, shake -- spark, spark, spark -- the way my dad made it. Hells yeah! Good stuff. The only problem is that the Man-cub can't stick that in the microwave. Such is life.

The next disappointment of my Wal-Mart venture was hair products. I'm not too particular on brands. I am one who chooses mousse or hair spray based on smell. I had picked up a styling product that I knew worked well with my hair type. It's part of the Hairapy line. Then, my thrifty arsed self spotted a cheaper line with "salon quality" promises. I put back the smell good stuff and grabbed the black can solely on the price. Ugh.

This morning when I applied the poof of mousse to my hair I was immediately reminded why I do not buy this product on a regular basis: The scent. It gave me a bit of a headache. Damn me for not remembering why I stopped using it in the first place. GIVE ME MY AUSSIE!! Shoot me in the toe!

My hair looked great, but it surely didn't smell terrific. Mind you, I didn't emit the stench of a hundred camels in the desert, but with each head movement I got a whiff of the overpowering aroma of old lady perfume. Old version Avon cologne. Yuck! Headache city. I seriously had a gnawing pain in the cranium all day. Boo-hoo. Now, I will end up spending twice the amount on hair product because I'm buying the fruity, beachy smelling stuff tomorrow.

Stupid Wal-Mart and their alluring falling prices smiley face.


  1. You crack me up! ".. didn't emit the stench of a hundred camels in the desert.." BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
    I hate Wal-Mart with a passion BTW. I shopped there when I lived in Memphis b/c it was the closest grocery store-- but haven't been in one since!

  2. Sadly that the closest place to me and I have to venture in there at least once a pains me to do it though...


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