Sunday, November 9, 2008

If I could punch a movie in the face ...

There are some movies that have been incredibly popular. They've even won awards. Some star phenomenal actors. Many have spectacular special effects and soundtracks. However, in spite of all the hoopla and and stellar names on the screen, I want to punch them in the face for being predictable, stereo-typical and filled with eye rolling catch phrases or one liners. Overall, I just want to punch the movie right in the kisser!

Here are my choices. Feel free to disagree. I respect your love for the movies and actors I discuss. I ask that you keep your comments respectful, as well.

St. Elmo's Fire -- I'm a major league lover of all things 80s. With the exception of this movie. The Brat Pack is assembled to share with us life after college. Puh-leez! There's not one character in this movie I would have wanted to hang out with during or after college. Spew! Totally. Gag me with a spoon. There's not enough tequila in the world that makes this movie palatable for me. "Man in Motion" is right...motion toward to the bathroom to toss my cookies.

Jerry Maguire -- GAH! I watched this movie because everybody was telling me I had to. I never went to the theater because paying $8.00 to see Tom Cruise is just not my thing. Beyond "Risky Business" I barely tolerate him. So, on a very boring Sunday when it was first released for home viewing it queue it up on pay-per-view. blah. What's with Renee Zellwegger's sour-puss mug? (I like her in Bridget Jones' Diary, mind you.) I try to overlook it. The whole. "SHOW ME THE MONEY!" scene is way annoying. Over the top even in the context of the scene. I was screaming SHOW ME THE MUTE! SHOW ME THE MUTE!! The clincher on me giving this flick a thumbs down rather than a TOUCHDOWN! was this line delivered by Dorothy: I love him! I love him for the man he wants to be. And I love him for the man he almost is." And "You complete me."
There are some poignant moments in the movie, but sadly, for me, they are overshadowed with the presence of Tom Cruise.

Titanic -- We all know how the movie will basically end. The ship sinks. Much like Jerry Maguire there are fantastic moments in this film. The special effects are nothing short of extraordinary. Kate Winslet is breathtakingly lovely. Frances Fischer devilishly plays the mother of Rose. I want to punch her in the face for the right reasons. The woman you are supposed to hate! Billy Zane is a controlling jerk and it's OK to want to punch him in the kisser. There were points that were supposed to be serious and I was holding back laughter in the theater. I wasn't buying Leo DiCaprio's portrayal of a world traveler who had supposedly been in serious scuffs with the lowlifes around the globe. He's far from being a rough and trouble fella. The kicker for my final dislike of this film is when the ship finally -- FINALLY -- sinks in the Atlantic and Rose is hogging the headboard. Why in God's name didn't she scoot over an inch and let Jack up there? What a dolt for not trying to pull himself on there. C'mon. Oh, and old lady Rose .. idiot. You could have supported a third world country on that gem you tossed overboard. You crazy old bat! Sentimentality my arse.


  1. You slay me!! Okay: Feed From Hollywood:

    St. Elmo's Fire. GREAT name for a movie. Really thought Judd Nelson was sexy in this. Andrew McCarthy the worst onscreen kisser EVER (please, no more leading man roles!- and that eye bug thing he does? Urgh...) And if YOU were Rob Lowe, would YOU boink MAre Winningham? I'll give you this one. Even poor Emilio was a schmuck in this. Loved Demi's hair, though. Is that enough?

    Jerry Maguire: I thought I was the ONLY PERSON on the planet that HATED this movie!! And you know, Miss Riss, how I idol worship Cameron Crowe. My man can do no wrong. But Tom Cruise? You're right. I liked him in Risky Business... and THAT'S it.
    "Show me the money", however, is my mantra these days.

    Titanic: Met Leonardo a couple of months before this came out. I asked how it was going to be and he hid his face in his hands! (Shy? Or ashamed of the cheesefest? We'll never know) Was reading about it forever, because this could have been THE ULTIMATE horror movie. Throw some sharks in the water and I wouldn't have been able to watch it by myself. Who would throw that diamond into the ocean? That was downright ridiculous. Kate, as you said, continues to be one of the wittiest, coolest, most beautiful women in Hollywood. She's currently teaming up with Leo for something else. Will the public care?

  2. Show me the Money! Ok, seriously I hear you on Jerry McGwire, but I can't resist watching it whenever it's on TBS or something.
    Oh, and I never liked Titanic *gasp*, so right on sister!

  3. Ack! No St. Elmo's Fire for you? Sorry I have to disagree with you on this one. I loved Rob Lowe in this movie! Hawt! I have to tell you that my favorite quote of all time came from this movie..."Fluff and fold my's all fluff and fold!" ~ Emilio
    I'm sure you know that I'm with you on the other two. Why? They are not from the 80's of course ;)

  4. Topsurf, when I was writing that about St. Elmo's Fire I remembered you mentioning liking it. I have several friends who like it. Enjoy it. Relate to it. Rob Lowe is a hotty in it. I had high hopes for it when it came out because of the cast. I just remember muttering "oh jeez" "that's so ignorant--who does that?" sort of things throughout the movie. My friend and I were shh'd several times.


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