Hump Meme!

Thanks to the hilariously creative ladies at Plurk, I have this meme to occupy me. Yeah, I'm looking at you Cajunvegan, CitizenJaney and AsKatKnits.

TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now:
1. Maybe if you hadn't lied you wouldn't be in this predicament.
2. Hypocrite! Party of YOU!
3. I hope karma bites your ass hard, you vindictive bitch!
4. Please, stop breaking my heart.
5. Seriously, get over yourself.
6. When I grace you with my presence, it has nothing to do with liking or respecting you.
7. My life would be meaningless without you in it.
8. I thought you were a compassionate guy. I realize you're nothing more than pathetic.
9. I might be fat, but you'll always be a c**t.
10. You really do enjoy the sound of your own voice, don't you?

NINE things about yourself:
1. I like very few people.
2. I got hit in the head by a merry-go-round when I fell off. I have a dent in my skull as a result.
3. I was 18 the first time I flew on an airplane ... and I was alone.
4. I can curl my tongue.
5. Math classes (and my density) have kept me from acquiring my degree.
6. When I laugh heartily I have been told I sound like a turkey.
7. I am remarkably shy around the opposite sex.
8. My ex husband left the hospital to eat and didn't return for well over an hour when I was in the worst phase of my induced labor. The cafeteria was across the hall. Maureen was there to save the day.
9. I want a huge party thrown in my honor when I die. Dance, laugh and love.

EIGHT ways to win your heart:
1. Be honest.
2. Accept me even when I show you all my warts.
3. Be dependable.
4. Treat me as if I've hung the moon and the stars.
5. Encourage me when I feel defeated.
6. Don't make fun of me when I cry.
7. Sing along with me in the car even if we don't know the words.
8. Listen.

SEVEN things that cross your mind a lot:
1. This would make (friend name) laugh really hard.
2. Don't eat that.
3. Why am I surrounded by people who clearly have no concept of respect.
4. I think God gave you an extra helping of stupid.
5. I should really clean house.
6. I can't do enough for her.
7. I'm not pissed off. What's wrong with this picture?

SIX things you do before you fall asleep:
1. Turn off the computer.
2. Check that the cats have food and water.
3. Urinate
4. Pray
5. Stretch.
6. Brush.

FIVE people you couldn’t live without:
1. Spenser
2. Maureen
3. My collective family
4. My friends
5. My online friends

FOUR things you’re wearing right now:
1. Red specs
2. Eggplant hued sweater
3. Black yoga pants
4. Boring white bra and undies

THREE songs that fit your life perfectly:
1. Defying Gravity -- Wicked Soundtrack
2. Walking On Sunshine -- Katrina and the Waves
3. You Don't Know me -- Jan Arden

TWO things you want to do before you die:
1. Watch my son graduate from college and lead a successully happy life.
2. Just ditto the 1st choice.

ONE confession: They say confession is good for the soul. I have found that confession, depending on whom you are telling, can lead to lonliness, abandonment and judgement.