Friday, November 7, 2008

For Easier Reading -- Ah-Dumb

National Blog Posting Month. I'm participating. I figure it'll be a challenge. The challenge for me is remembering that I signed on to do it. OY! I'm not going to post everything I write there on here, but I am going to share with you a very short lived saga of Ah-Dumb. Here's how the memory of this man came to coincide with NaBloPoMo. I must stress that I am a bit wiser regarding dating ...particularly those men I've met on the Internet.



I wasn't sure if I wanted to join in on this phenomenon called NaBloPoMo. I'm not one who lives up to committments to non-living things. When it comes to writing on my blog I consider myself whimsical. I don't plot out what I'm going to do daily. I write by inspiration. I've gone countless days without putting up a post. I like being unpredictable in my writing because I'm so predictable in my daily life.


This will most certainly be a challenge. When I awoke this morning I had someone on my mind whom I'd not given thought to in years. In addition, I had the need for ibuprofen. My head was throbbing for whatever reason. Perhaps the memory of that person was cause.


He is, without a doubt, a ship that passed in the night. As soon as the romance began it ended. Yet, he obviously left me with an indelible mark on my psyche. I suspect he came to the foreground of my brain because he was an aspiring writer. As a gift, he'd given me an exerpt from a novel he was writing.


I think the tale of Ah-Dumb (as he signed everything) will necessitate continuance. Yes. I think this will provide me with a few days of blogging.

His real name was Adam. However, he signed as Ah-Dumb. We met in 2000 when I was newly divorced and living in Georgia. The place was an AOL chat room. He wasn't a frequent visitor of the chat room scene, but he had made an impact in the times that he had. A couple women who were regulars of the 'room knew of him and assured me he was safe. Initially I had ignored his advances because it was hard to tell if he was being sarcastic or sincere.


I had my instant messaging preferences set for friends only. Receiving unsolicited messages from random chat junkies had little appeal for me. Ah-Dumb had a mutual friend send me a message asking me to open a line for him so we could speak more privately. I obliged and quickly learned that he was charming and interesting. We did the typical picture exchange. Much to my delight he was attractive and tall. A man being tall is a prerequisite for me as I am a tall girl.


We had several online conversations that eventually moved to the telephone. His voice was only slightly twanged by a Georgian accent. He told me about his strange living arrangement with his ex-wife. He, being an aspiring writer, was a stay home dad. A Mr. Mom. He resided in the finished basement. I realize by this time I probably should have asked for some sort of verification that his marital status was, indeed, null and void. However, I was naive and trusting that everybody was as honest as I.


All that nonsense aside, we arranged for a time to get together. The only catch was that he would have to bring his 3 year old daughter. I thought this an easy buffer for anxiety and aggression. Who, after all, would be an animal with their toddler running about?


Ah-Dumb and his toe-headed daughter arrived at my home mid-morning. My son was at school. This mystery man was more handsome than his pictures. His shoulders broad and arms muscular. Refraining from visibly drooling was difficult. His daughter was shy as they made way into my little home. He asked me to hold her as he retrieved gifts from his truck. Gifts? The man I only just met moments prior brought me presents. I felt this was off to a glorious start.

There I stood on my porch in astonishment of the gifts bestowed upon me. Adam, his toddler and I adjourned to my living room. It was clear she wasn't sure what to make of what to make of me or this new surrounding. She plopped herself in the safety of her father's lap as we sat on the floor. He grabbed the bag he brought in and one by one started handing small tokens to me with explanations of why he wanted me to have them.


First, was a box of chocolate covered cherries. He remembered me saying how much I loved them, but they were such a rich indulgence. Second, a pair of silver drop earrings. They were simple and perfect for everyday. He thought they'd be ideal and not get in the way when he nuzzled my neck. Third was a book. "365 Days of Kisses." He inscribed the inside front cover. "Let's work our way through this -- Ah-Dumb."


It goes without saying that I was immediately smitten. Oh yes, I was deep in smit!


The day continued with conversation and a light lunch. Eventually his little one would take a nap leaving Adam and I to our own devices for amusement. We'd not kissed in the presence of his daughter. However, that all changed once she was soundly sleeping. He wasn't a voracious kisser. It's as if he was wanting to savor each and every lip lock; committing each one to memory.


We discussed our plans for the following day. I was ecstatic that he was so enthused about me that he wanted to see me again that quickly. I'd been accustomed to men keeping me hanging on for the next date.


He collected his sweet child and they traversed back to their home 30 minutes away. I retreated to my home and allowed myself to bask in the afternoon's delight.


Adam and I talked that night about our hopes and dreams. We discussed how well we got along. He spoke of kismet. My heart swelled that such a lovely man could possibly be falling for me.

We made plans to see each other the following day. In that conversation we discussed my house ware needs. When I divorced I left behind many things. I took what was mine. I took what my son required. Adam wanted to help me rebuild what I had lost. I needed a vacuum (I borrowed a friend's.) I needed a dinette. I needed a washer and dryer. I had those to take at my ex-husband's home, but transporting them couldn't be done without assistance.

The following morning Adam called requesting my presence at the local Super K-Mart. He stated that he knew it wasn't high end goods, but it was a start. I happily complied and met him and his little girl. We had a fun time while we looked for bargains that would help me make my home more homey.

Dining table sets were just too pricey and I couldn't allow him to spend a king's ransom on me. He did buy a Red Devil vac, extra bags and offered to move the washer and dryer to my home in the next weekend. In my mind, I was thrilled that 'next weekend' was a possibility. He grabbed various other small items that he felt I'd find useful. I'd discussed wanting to get in better shape. Kathy Smith's Workout Guide made its way to the cart. We would also make a detour at a used sporting goods store for hand weights and, if it had been less pricey, a treadmill.

I felt very uncomfortable letting this man I just met buy me things. He insisted that I hush and let him do something that made him feel good.

We went back to my house for lunch and nap time for his daughter. During that nap Adam took pleasure in snapping a few photos of me. I wasn't comfortable posing. He laughed at my efforts to relax enough to allow the camera to see what he sees when he looked at me. I remained full clothed. He said he'd upload them on his computer at home and send them to me.

We kissed. A lot. We talked even more.

His little one would awaken and my son would unboard the bus to be greeted by a man I hoped would be part of our lives for a long time.

Sadly, the time for him to depart came. This time we didn't make solid plans for the following day, but the promise that we'd move the washer and dryer was made.

I had errands to run once they made their way back home. On cloud 9, I set off into town to take care of some personal things. We were gone for a couple of hours. In that time I hoped my cell phone would ring. It didn't. When we got back home I looked to see he hadn't left a message on my home phone. I turned to the computer to see if he had sent me the photos as promised. He had ... along with a message that went something like this:

"Here are the photos I took and promised to you. I know this will come as a surprise, but a woman whom I'd been pursuing for the past year has communicated with me that she is available and ready to make a step toward a relationship with me. She's part of the writing group where I am a member. I'm going that direction. You're a wonderful woman and I wish you happiness. The pictures are sexy. I hope the come in handy."




Ah-Dumb dropped a big bomb on me. Naturally, I wasn't going to just roll over and take such a pathetic email to end things. I called him and he was patronizing and rude. When I asked what made him think an email would suffice. How RUDE! He had the audacity to chortle at my 'inability to be mature and accept the nature of things." Yes, he said that. I erupted! That didn't help my cause any.


I reminded him that I was counting on him to help me move the washer and dryer from my ex-husband's residence to mine. He said he'd still do that since he knew I needed the units so I could stop wasting money at the laundromat. Plus, I'll admit I was making a desperate attempt at seeing him again. I've never managed to keep a man with my wiley and feminine ways. I'm too earnest for such antics. I would, however, not stoop to trying to seduce him and leave him hanging cold. He'd shared that he wouldn't see his preferred choice for a couple of weeks. He deserved blue balls if not a black eye.

On Sunday he was to arrive. He called to inform me that he'd be coming straight from church. So, he'd be in a suit and required changing before we set off to our task of moving the laundry units.

He arrived looking deliciously dapper. He wore a nicely tailored navy suit with a yellow shirt and tie. I felt compelled to ravage all 6'3" of him, but I acted disinterested. I wore a very snug white t-shirt and loose fitting Levi's. He made the comment that he thought I was trying to tease him. It was a bit chilly that day, if you get my drift.

I made my way through my bedroom to get to the bathroom. It was the only way to the bathroom. While I was doing my business he began to change in my bedroom. When I emerged from the bathroom he was standing there in boxer briefs. "You could have warned me you were coming out. I don't want you to get your hopes up." Bastard. I insisted I was capable of resisting his near nakedness. When I went to pick up my shoes he stopped me in mid-bend and pulled me to him. As if! I let him kiss me. I let him get worked up.

"We have things to do and you didn't choose me. Get dressed."

I will add that after the washer and dryer were moved, Adam hung around for a bit. We talked and he seemed determined to seduce me. I did everything in my power to tease him without going too far. I cried when we hugged for the final time. I felt defeated. He dried my tears and assured me that it wasn't because of what I couldn't offer, but more about how he'd yearned for this other woman for so long that he had to see where they could take their relationship.

A month after he pulled out of my drive-way Adam called. He wanted to see me. He must have gone insane in his absence because he wanted a booty-call. A request for my booty which he'd never had to begin with. A man who led me to believe he had respect for me was calling with hopes of getting the sex from me when his long awaited love wouldn't provide. She apparently had "issues in the sex department and couldn't do more than lie with him naked."

Rather than acting like a beaten puppy I managed to gain control. I denied him and told him he was a pathetic excuse for a human and he got what he deserved ... and I was no longer on the menu. He was never heard from again

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