Sunday, September 13, 2009

Horoscope Humbug

Dear Yahoo horoscope-bullshit blatherer,

Please stop presuming that every one has a lover or significant other. These assumptions discredit your already questionable skills as a prognosticator. For those of us who aren't so lucky in love it is truly irritating. Quite frankly, I'm becoming rather pissed off. I was once amused by your keen ability to be vague yet ballparkishly correct. Today's horoscope for Leos is just over the top and hits me in my already frail ego. As a result, I am forced to express this sentiment with the voracity of 1000 PMSing women unable to obtain chocolate. To you, I say, suck it!
"It's all about you today -- and your lover will no doubt prove it to you from the moment you open your eyes. Since you've been planning an equally wonderful surprise for them, of course, there's no reason to feel guilty about being so spoiled. Besides, who in their right mind wouldn't make a fuss over you?"

PS. Remember I'm a lion. I can tear off your head and devour you before you realize you've been caught. Just sayin'


  1. I cannot even believe some of these people get paid to write this stuff. It's ridonkulous!

  2. Now now Marissa,
    you do have a distant admirer who is planning a surprise for you....after all you deserve to be spoiled:) you may not need to show your teeth just yet. the writer may not be so far off target.

  3. Oh Anonymous, how you make my heart flutter -- hummingbird wings


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