I've always considered myself a realist. To the extreme optimist, I might have a less than cheery outlook on many things. A pessimist might want to flick me in the forehead for being overly confident in the bright side of things. It's my deepest hope that I am able look at situations at face value and evaluate them without letting my bias or preconceived notions taint my judgement. Wow, that's a mouthful. The bottom line is that I don't want to put a heavy layer of sugar coating on circumstances just so I feel better about them.
This brings me to my weight and appearance. I do all I can to avoid being photographed from the neck down. I have recently found the best way to do that is self-portraits and being the person behind the camera. I like my face.
I joke about having a huge butt. It's no joke that I have big basooms. Bodonkadonk. Junk in the trunk. Cushion for the pushin'. Holy shit! Those thighs have their own zip code! Perhaps a mild exaggeration, but you get the point. I am not a small girl. At 5'10", I have managed to hide my weight and fool people into thinking I'm far less hefty than the scale reveals. I'll never forget going to the doctor for laryngitis 4 days before marrying Cletus. The nurse who weighed me thought for certain the scale was broken and insisted I step on another one. Without a doubt in my mind, the scale would read the same as the one presumed malfunctioning. Even those in the medical profession have been fooled. At my current Jabba the Hutt increasing size, I can't even fool Mr. Magoo.
For the women and men who are content with having extra weight, I applaud you. I live in denial via no full length mirrors. No more.
Denial is never having to look at your "before" picture.
I had Man cub take a photo of me when I got home from work. I was already feeling bloated. I figured why not push my esteem totally in the crapper by means of viewing my not so bodacious body. I put on capri yoga pants and kept the t-shirt on that I'd worn to work. I honestly thought I looked cute before walking out the door for work today.
Denial is overrated.
The purpose for this full length reality bites shot is that, once again, I am embarking on a planned means of losing weight. If you've been following my blog for more than a year, you'll know I attempted hotness via NutriSystem last year. It worked fairly well. Sort of. I felt like I was always on the verge of passing gas. I was losing weight, but feeling bloated all the time. I don' t know how, but I believe they managed to put beans in everything ... including pancake mix and chocolate pudding mix. I feared bending over without breaking wind.
Another downside to such a diet plan is that you are dependent on the slop they call entrees. I have a teen ager who has to be fed. I need to manage making ONE meal that will feed both of us. I am not inclined to being a short order cook. NutriSystem taught me nothing more than how decrease my checking account balance. I will confess that I lost 25 pounds and felt disgusting if I didn't get my 45 to 60 minutes power walks in at least 5 times a week. I got off course when my brother in law passed away. That's all the excuse I needed to push my daily walks aside. I started forgetting all that I had learned about portion control. Since June I have gained back 10 pounds. That is absolutely unacceptable.
That brings me to yesterday. A whim that could very well be the start of a healthier lifestyle. Thanks to a fellow Stuck in the 80s blog and podcast fan, I am now a member of Beachbody.com. It's new to me, so I can't go into detail how wonderful it is or exactly how it works. I'm learning the how-tos myself. Knowing someone can track me down online and hold me accountable might be the motivation I need to get moving again.
Eating properly will be a new pattern I have develop. Being conscientious of every morsel I put in my mouth is a requisite. Drinking water not soda is an absolute. Getting accustomed to less caffeine will be a challenge. Not putting creamer in my coffee will be a true taste bud challenge, but I've done it once. I can do it again Viewing my lack of self control or tenacity to follow through with my goal as a failure would be counterproductive. There's no denying that I allowed myself to derail. I think the point is that I have re-evaluated that same goal and I'm taking another path in which to achieve it. I've regrouped and I'm ready for a challenge.
As a very sweet friend said in an email I received yesterday, "chalk up last year as a dress rehearsal. THIS is the year of the Riss!" Excellent advice, Sprezz. I'll take that and run with it ... or at least walk at a very fast pace for cardio benefits.