Sunday, February 28, 2010

Heavy thoughts

You all know, by now,  that I'm trying to get healthy and, in turn, lose weight.  It's not that I feel awful or have major health issues, but there's no doubt that improvement can be made on my overall state of mind, energy level and physical appearance.  Only moments ago a thought jumped into my head as I went to the kitchen to get breakfast (a blend of Chocolate and Banana Nut Cheerios).  Do thin people -- those who've never battled the bulge or suffer from eating disorders -- do they think about food even when they aren't hungry? Obviously planning dinners etc are expected. Do they consciously choose something healthy even though they are craving a piece of pineapple upside down cake or a bacon & blue cheese-half pound burger? Or, do they just eat what they want but naturally stop before they are full?  Is eating what they want in moderation something innate or a conscious choice?

I'm convinced there is, in my case, some childhood psychosis attached to my inability to just have a nibble and leave some for later. Let me start by saying I do not blame my parents for my behaviors as an adult.  I'm 44 years old. Come on! Yet, there are triggers that stemmed from childhood.  "Clean your plate. Be glad you even have food!" or "Eat it or starve."  Sometimes we'd have special treats but a limited amount. In those situations, you had to get as much as you could or one of the other 7 siblings would devour it and you'd be left with none.  My Dad, who did most of the cooking in my recollection, had a tendency of making you feel unappreciative if you didn't eat whatever he cooked.  So, my sense of obligation toward food was ignited.

Now that I'm a big girl -- and bigger than I want to be -- I must deny those demons control and stand up for myself. Always an inner battle.  It is an exhaustive endeavor, at the very least. That's why I wondered if naturally svelte people have the same inner turmoil when it comes to food consumption.  The body is designed to only crave what it needs. Simplistically speaking, of course. But we have to factor in life experiences and a lot of psychological factors when dealing with such issues. 

Here's a question I ask of former heavy weights who've managed to kick flab to the curb and maintain a healthy lifestyle long term: Do you continue to have inner battles or does it become second nature? Have the old habits been replaced with healthy new ones and you no longer struggle? My journey has just begun and I'm trying to keep focused on what's ahead rather than what is so obviously behind me. I make small goals daily that. By week's end, those little achievements accumulate and they are collectively a huge accomplishment.  

Help a sister out. I welcome your insight and perspective if you've battled weight problems or not.



...and yes, the foods I mentioned are exactly what I've been craving, as of late. **sigh**

3 comments:

  1. I know of two people who regard eating as somewhat of a chore and say that if they didn't have to eat to live, they wouldn't bother. I cannot get behind that at all. I love everything about food -the aroma, the taste, the look, the textures... cannot understand people who don't like eating.

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  2. Coming from the same house as you, I have to agree that we did have the Catholic guilt applied to our psyches...there are starving children SOMEWHERE who would LOVE to have this food! Since we collected little boxes of coins each Lent, I KNOW there were! It wasn't just a story (snort!)I also remember making Hamburger Helper when Mom had to work...yuck! So we didn't always have 'healthy' choices. I suffer the same weight problem as you...and I am trying to get rid of some of my 'problem' right now...you're giving me encouragement, Little Sis! Let's get together - yeah, yeah, yeah!!!

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  3. Hi Riss,
    On your latest post, the `comments section` doesn't work -- it says "New comments not allowed" -- unless my computer is just screwed up.

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