People often ask me my opinion on things. Depending on my mood, it could be a serious dissertation on the subject matter flung my way or some smart assed, one liner that leaves my audience wondering if I'm serious or drunk. Here are some examples of the latter. These are Rissisms or meandering thoughts I'll call Rissology: * While talking to a small group of people (the subject matter I can't recall), one of the doctors says, "You know, what Marissa calls me." without a beat I reply, "Bitch?" * "Be who you is" * On men: "You can't live with 'em, and you can't bury a hole deep enough not to get caught." * Regarding a chubby co-worker's inability to wear shirts that fit. Me: "are you really that broke?" Her: "What do you mean?" Me: "You couldn't afford the other half of that shirt?" * Eat one cookie now; or, eat the entire bag when no one is looking. * There is a right way to replace the toilet paper. * I know a lot of songs, but I rarely know the right lyrics. * "Everybody has a passion for something. Some of us simply can't narrow it down to one thing." * "If life is like a box of chocolates; then someone poked holes in the bottoms to see which kind they don't want. It's a good thing I'm not picky." * "I like my men how I like my coffee: Ground up and put in the freezer." * I am not a homicidal maniac. * It does NOT make you go blind, but you'll get pink eye if you don't wash your hands afterwards. * Driving and texting do not mix. * People need to disconnect themselves from their cell phones. It bothers me that you can't talk to me without checking your cell phone every 3 minutes for an incoming message that is clearly more appealing than I am to you. Have fun with your phone -- refer to pink eye comment.
* This song is stuck in my head. Now it's stuck in your head. We're all Stuck in the 80s. HA!