You're a good man, Charlie Brown

Charlie Brown: Sometimes I feel I've given birth to the real life version. Man-cub is a wonderful boy. He never gives me grief. He's loved and adored by his teachers. Unfortunately, he's been pushed into relative isolation due to being different. I've mentioned in previous posts that he's come a long way after his diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. In brief, it's shoved under the umbrella of autism.; a very high functioning form in my son's case. Behavior modification and educated teachers have given him a great edge. He's smart, funny, compassionate and willing to always try. Unfortunately, children his own age aren't always compassionate and understanding. So, that puts him in a position of going it alone even when he's in a large group.

Six Flags Great America wasn't everything I had dreamed it to be for Man-cub. The students were allowed to have free run of the park. They weren't assigned to groups or particular chaperones. When my son disembarked the charter bus his gait was lagging. I knew he had to be exhausted, but there was a slump in his spirit. I greeted him with excitement and inquired where the Batman basketball came from. He said he won it playing a hoops game in the arcade. "COOL! We can play H.O.R.S.E at the school yard," I exclaimed. He didn't seem thrilled.

I started throwing questions at him about what rides he went on. He didn't bother with the roller coasters because the lines were too long, and "I want to share that with you, mom."

"Who did you hang out with? Were you with Brandon?"
"Only for a little bit."
"Well, who did you hang out with? Was there a group of kids you wandered the park with?"
"No. I pretty much was alone. I saw other people with our school t-shirts on, but I didn't hang out with anybody."

My heart sunk to my feet. I was so saddened. I had to ask why, and his reply was, "The kids at my school are pretty much jerks to me. They make fun of me a lot. I'm okay. I had fun, really."

"Are you just tired? You seem sad. Is it a mix of the two?" "I'm a little of both. "

Damn it! I wanted this to be so much more than him walking about an amusement park alone. I'm furious that the chaperones would allow this. I'm sad that even the boy who Man-cub calls his friend didn't stick with him. I feel like I've done something to fail him.

I realize that part of having Asperger's Syndrome is a delayed ability to socialize. They are often content playing alone. Working in groups as an integral participant is a challenge. They're able to be with a group, but they'll opt to work just on the outside. Even with that knowledge I still ache for him to find a true friend. Someone who'll accept his quirks and aloofness. I feel helpless.

I know that I can't and won't be able to make everything ideal for him. I realize there are roads that he must take alone ... but I want it to be his choice to be alone on that path. Not the only option.