Monday, May 19, 2008

David Cook is a master seducer?

I'm an avid American Idol watcher. I wouldn' t go so far as to say I'm a fan. I make fun of the show, the judges, the contestants. I'll give kudos when they actually perform in a manner that will make me stand up and take notice. I might even be accused of lusting after a male contestant I deem worthy of calling eye candy, ie, Michael Johns aka 'Roo. However, his departure gave me no other reason to tune in other than snarking with fellow blog buds on Sean Daly's Pop Life blog. Yeah, good times.

This evening, actually, just moments ago, I checked my Myspace account. I read bulletins posted by friends. This one in particular has be baffled. I'm stymied by the content. I can't relate. I'm at a loss for words. The original author wasn't credited in the re-post by my friend Kim. It only said, "thanks DCFP." I'm supposing that means David Cook Fan Page. However, I searched the myspace page by the same name and no blog was posted. I wish I could fully credit the mastermind of this theory. This epiphany that has brought me to question my own libido. Am I dead down yonder in the paw paw patch? Have I missed something other women over 30 have felt? Is David Cook a master seducer when he's on stage? Does his body language really resemble that of love making? Do his crescendos depict the height of orgasmic pleasure?

While I review Mr. Cook's performances on youtube, I'll leave you with this DC fan's hypothesis on why women over 30 crave the weekly foray into the depths of their subconscious lust.

For weeks now I've been trying to figure out what in the world it is about David Cook that made women age 30 and beyond become psychotically obsessed with him. It'd be one thing if we were tweens, or even co-eds or 20Somethings. But we're beyond that right? We've got careers, or families, marriages, etc. etc. But this Cook comes along and now he occupies at least 75% of my mind. I'm operating on minimal brain capacity and so can only perform basic body functions right now, like breathing. I hope my boss and husband won't notice. And I know I'm NOT alone. Seriously, we don't even get like this for George Clooney or Clive Owens.

What the hell is going on?

Well, i think I've finally figured it out. What DC does to us is not something the tweens or even our 20Something sisters would really "get". You see, when DC sings, he doesn't just sing. He's actually doing all of us. And he's been doing us one night a week for nearly months now.

Go back and watch "Hello" again. Ladies, watch how he rocked his body back & forth & back & forth in the beginning and tell me it doesn't make you think of something else. Other AI contestants dance (awkwardly) and shake to the music beats, but our DC here...when the camera gets a front shot of him and he's shooting that CFM stare right at you, tell me you don't feel like he's right on top of you. And not just the CFM stare either, watch his facial expressions throughout the whole performance. You'd think you are doing something to him! He makes you feel like a woman just by his expression when he sang the words "loving you" of the line "or is someone loving you." And then comes that high note crescendo (and that crescendo happened EVERY time he sang), I tell ya, if Norah Jones still doesn't know why she hasn't come, girlfriend she needs to get herself to YouTube immediately. And just watch his face as he withdraws his voice from the microphone. Yeah baby, that was good for me too.

Of course it helped too when he was crooning those otherwise smaltzy corny lyrics but like Simon said, he made it almost believable.

And it never gets boring either. DC did us every way he could. With him we had...

Sweet passionate with Hello, You'll Always be My Baby, and Music of the Night, and First Time I Ever Saw Your Face...

Hot and heavy with Baba O Reily I'm Alive, and Day Tripper..

Fun and playful with Happy Together, Hungry Like a Wolf...

Rough with Billie Jean and Eleanor Rigby...

Try some weird stuff with Little Sparrow and Innocent.

My DB, blessed his heart, and to all the boys I've loved before, you guys are great, really, but I don't think 99.9% of men on earth knows how to do a woman in so many ways in like 2, 3 months time. I don't know, maybe only DC can.

So unbeknownst to me and without my consent, DC has seduced me into an extra-marital affair before I even know what hit me. And now, in 2 days this affair must end.

No!!! No!! Don't stop!!!! Baby please keep going!!!

How the hell does DC know all this by age 25? Or is he even aware of what's he's done to us?

The Phantom of David Cook is there, inside our minds
I wish that I could fully credit the woman who originally wrote this. Should I find out who, I will gladly post her myspace or website address.


  1. Behold the power of a live TV camera(and hype). With the right amount of stimulation, it can give a man more testosterone(along with illusions of grandeur), or give women an estrogen spike, no longer does it add 10 lbs. To top it off, he's doing this live where as Clive and Clooney are taped and enhanced. Kinda like getting fresh produce instead of canned veggies.

    This is why I try not to watch much TV, I wonder how much play these people would get if they weren't on TV?

  2. I'll admit to loving fresh veggies, but I think David has been over'cook'ed; colorless and mushy.

    Perhaps my yen for much younger men has dissipated. I just don't get it.


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