Rapier's Wit

E! Entertainment News reports that Dwayne "THE ROCK" Johnson is officially a free man. May 19, 2008 marked the date on which he was declared single. You know what that means? That's right. Guilt-free lusting for your's truly. He's absolutely divine. A hunk-o-fabuloso dream walking! He's the extra fudge and brownie topping on the most rich vanilla ice cream. He is the extra protein punch in a banana smoothie. He's who makes me drool. My friend who lives in Venice Beach, CA reports that he's spoken to Dwayne at the gym. My pal says he's genuinely kind and hella good looking. Not as ginormous as one might assume. But in Hollywood few men stand over 6' tall. So, someone with a Greek God presence, such as Dwayne, would be heads above them all. Mmmm and what a lovely head it is. GET SMART , anyone? I don't care that it's being panned by the critics. He's beautimus. When he smiles and ::swoon:: raises that eyebrow ... well, you can find m...

Well, this isn't news that beloved straight man Harvey Korman has passed away at the age of 81. So many fond memories we've all shared. I don't think there's a person alive who wouldn't recognize his work from Mel Brooks films or the Carol Burnett Show. Oh how I loved watching that program. Who else could bid Mr. Korman farewell better than Carol herself. Thank you for the laughter, Harvey. I'm so glad we had this time together, Just to have a laugh, or sing a song. Seems we just got started and before you know it Comes the time we have to say, 'So long.' There's a time you put aside for dreamin', And a time for things you have to do. The time I love the best is in the evening - I can spend a moment here with you. When the time comes that I'm feelin lonely, And I'm feelin' ohooooo - so blue, I just sit back and think of you, only, And the Happiness still comes through. That's why I'm glad we had this time together, 'Caus...

I've been feeling relatively uninspired to sit and write. Putting my fingers to the keyboard and expressing myself just isn't flowing freely. I don't know that I could be a professional journalist because of that notion. I suspect if my livelihood was on the line I could muster a story. However, it's not. So, I haven't written much. If it's any consolation, I have thought about it. I blame the weather, economy and my lack of consideration for eating properly (grad parties and Memorial Day picnic fixins). Oh, and the weather has sucked so much that getting outside to walk hasn't been tempting. I made the most of the exercise DVDs I own, but nothing compares to getting out in nature and challenging myself to push myself to go around the track one more time. I received my Rebate Stimulus Check. Don't bother calling to borrow money. It was, essentially, already spent before I received it. All the end of the year field trips my son went on broke the Ba...

Charlie Brown: Sometimes I feel I've given birth to the real life version. Man-cub is a wonderful boy. He never gives me grief. He's loved and adored by his teachers. Unfortunately, he's been pushed into relative isolation due to being different. I've mentioned in previous posts that he's come a long way after his diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. In brief, it's shoved under the umbrella of autism.; a very high functioning form in my son's case. Behavior modification and educated teachers have given him a great edge. He's smart, funny, compassionate and willing to always try. Unfortunately, children his own age aren't always compassionate and understanding. So, that puts him in a position of going it alone even when he's in a large group. Six Flags Great America wasn't everything I had dreamed it to be for Man-cub. The students were allowed to have free run of the park. They weren't assigned to groups or particular chaperones. When my...

I'll be working this Memorial Day holiday. It's unfortunate because I was looking forward to spending time with family members, but it's luck of the draw when working in retail. I had also requested Sunday and the following Saturday so I can attend graduations for my niece and nephew. With that, I have to put in my hours Monday through Friday this week. So, while I'm working, several of you will be dragging out your grills, putting brewskies on ice, setting up the Hillbilly Golf set and hammocks. That's all fine. It's what I would have been doing, too. Memorial Day traditionally marks the open of the summer season. It's a time for families to gather together and enjoy an additional day off from work and school. But what does this holiday represent officially? Most people know, but lose sight of its meaning while in pursuit of partying. Just in case a reminder is required, I went to the most obvious source of all to get the background of Memorial Day: The Uni...

Every parent understands how difficult it is to trust another person with their child. When the Man-cub was a toddler, finding appropriate day care was difficult. What looked good on the outside or sounded ideal turned out to be horrific. Once he was old enough to attend school it was easier. Yet, I still had to put my faith in the system. I had to turn my baby over to people I hardly knew! I'd worry daily, but I had to relinquish some control. I couldn't keep him at home forever. In the course of his 13 years he's gone on field trips. I've signed the permission slip. Once again, someone else will be handling the safety and well being of my spawn. Those field trips were always situations of keeping the kids in groups. No running amok. He saw "Blue Man Group" recently. It was an all day event, but I knew he was tucked neatly in a large group of kids and chaperones. Veering a bus in and out of Chicago traffic was more of a threat than anything else. He arrived h...

I'm an avid American Idol watcher. I wouldn' t go so far as to say I'm a fan. I make fun of the show, the judges, the contestants. I'll give kudos when they actually perform in a manner that will make me stand up and take notice. I might even be accused of lusting after a male contestant I deem worthy of calling eye candy, ie, Michael Johns aka 'Roo. However, his departure gave me no other reason to tune in other than snarking with fellow blog buds on Sean Daly's Pop Life blog. Yeah, good times. This evening, actually, just moments ago, I checked my Myspace account. I read bulletins posted by friends. This one in particular has be baffled. I'm stymied by the content. I can't relate. I'm at a loss for words. The original author wasn't credited in the re-post by my friend Kim. It only said, "thanks DCFP." I'm supposing that means David Cook Fan Page. However, I searched the myspace page by the same name and no blog was posted. I wish ...

I've been watching American Idol season 7 from the beginning. I'm talking about from the God forsaken auditions. I was glued to my television when that feathered fellow sang a song to Simon. I was horrified by the hairy dude in the Princess Leia metal bikini who got waxed in hopes of them taking him seriously. I didn't turn away when the emaciated chick who lived in a studio apartment with 3 cats, 2 dogs and her mother attempted to sing like Janis Joplin and then threw a psycho trip fit when they told her no. I was there. I was blogging live online with Sean Daly and the Pop Lifers -- sounds like a church band, doesn't it? I had no scheduling issues. I seemed to always be off on Tuesdays. Tuesday is the night the kids performed. I worked one Wednesday evening in that entire period. That is until I expressed my desire to be off on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Then it suddenly became a scheduling issue. While hovering over my supervisor's shoulder I declared, "...

Yesterday we finally had sunshine and temps above 70. Just barely, but I didn't have to wear a coat. I threw on my walking gear, tossed my iPod in my bra. I have no pockets or that armband doo-hickey for iPods. The thing isn't nestled between Thelma and Louise. I tuck it in the upper portion of the strap right above the meaty part of my boob, and it stays put. It's better than slipping it in my undies and praying it doesn't slide too far south. Anywho, I cue up the 50 minute program for power walking and make my way to the park near my home. I usually ache for the first 10 minutes. Then, the happy hormones kick in, and I no longer feel the twinges in my thighs. Once the program ended I decided I wanted to bask in the sunshine. So, forgetting that I'm a 42 year old adult, I climb up on a picnic table and stretch out. I realize this probably looks compromising to the people working in the Forest Preserve office adjacent to the walking track. So, I pull my legs up to a...

Sometimes there are days, instances, moments where I just want to scream, "Shut up! Will you please stop talking!? Enough already. Thank you."

In nearly every movie ever conceived it seems that step mothers are evil, conniving women who are out to destroy everything in their paths to break the bonds between their husband and his children. I'm here to blast that pattern out of the water. I can speak from experience that not all step mothers are created equal. I will admit that when my father first announced that he was remarrying it was a shocker. He chose the day after my sister Maureen's nuptials to drop the bomb. I don't even recall hearing much about this woman he was to marry; the woman who would be ::daunting music:: my step mother. I think when he made his intentions known to most of us I had to feign enthusiasm. I need to backtrack for a minute. I had been somewhat disconnected from my father for about 3 years. Call it post mortem confusion. I was a young teen without a mother and dad wasn't available in his own misery and grief. The household was in calamity and I was in dire need of love and guidance....

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I've been contemplating what I'd write for this occasion and nothing really jumped out at me. I decided to just sit down and let my fingers do the talking. Sometimes, my best writing just spills from my phalanges. More so, it flows from my heart. My mother, Mary Caroline, lost a short term battle with ovarian cancer in June of 1981. I think we found out in March, 1981 after a surgery that was merely to correct diverticulitis. Truly, I believe that was just a cover. Mom didn't want to face reality and her presumed early mortality. Her mother died of cancer. Therefore, so shall she. BUNK! I lived an angry existence after her passing. I hid it from everybody, but it was underneath. I didn't lash out or rebel. I believed my mother was watching me and I didn't want to let her down. I never did. Everything in my life up to that point was about making Momma and Dad happy. No regrets, mind you. I was the youngest child of eight. Looking back I ...

My friend Lydia wrote in her blog today about taking a walk in the Hollywood Hills with her friend M. While walking they came upon a wishing tree. In Eastern culture, casting your wishes to the tree will bring you what your heart desires. I'm sure finding this treasure was unexpected; yet, wonderful to behold. She tells of how she read the wishes already tied up on the tree. They were selfless hopes and dreams. She dared not look upon her friend's wish card. Lydia compared this to telling someone what your wish was as you blew out the birthday candles on your cake. Taking a wish card and a pen from the tree, she made her wish. Making certain it was secure so it wouldn't blow off and find it's way out to sea via the storm drain. In her post she shares a website that allows anyone who goes there to cast a wish on the virtual wishing tree. I did so. So can you. I think in these economic, social and political hard times we can benefit from many beliefs ... and a little p...

I had some free time. So, I used it wisely by amusing myself. The Legend of Billy Jean is on the tube. I know how it ends. Therefore, I needed additional activity to keep me from eating.

I asked my 13 year old son to poke me with a stick if he caught me falling asleep during the performances by the top 4 contestants on American Idol. I can't believe this is the direction voters have taken. Apparently people are sleep deprived. Obviously I yearn for more entertainment. Clearly America can't choose a proper Idol (much like presidential candidates). What to do? What to do!? By now everybody knows Jason Castro totally obliterated Bob Dylan's Mr. Tambourine Man . Seriously, I think he wants to just go the hell home. He overtly demonstrates that he's just bored with the entire process. The weather back home is probably ideal and he's itchin' to just hang out, dude. I implore the droves of teen voters who text their Castro votes in until their knuckles are bleeding to STOP THE INSANITY! Why, oh why couldn't you have done that for 'Roo? You can't run your fingers through dread locked hair. He admitted one of the tendrils fell OFF during a di...

Per usual, my morning consists of watching the news on Fox Chicago. They just aired a human interest piece about an 11 year old paper boy who saved an elderly woman's life. He noticed mail and the paper hadn't been picked up for a couple of days. He went to his mom and said that he was worried that something wasn't right. The police were called and they discovered the woman had fallen. She'd suffered a broken hip three days earlier and was unable to call for help. She was severely dehydrated. The police and paramedics informed this wee hero that had he not shown concern and reported it the woman would surely have died within hours. This little fellow is also mowing this woman's lawn and picking up her mail until she's home from the hospital. The woman's nephew was interviewed and stated that his aunt had just talked about what a great little paperboy she had. "And she's hard to please. So, that's really saying something." The toe-...

Robert Downey, Jr. has just won my heart. I proclaim him my newest celebrity crush. He is supreme in IRON MAN. His natural smirky charm just oozes from every delectable pore. The movie simply fantastic. John Favreau directs this latest Stan Lee comic turned big screen phenomenon. Favreau also appears as Tony Stark's driver. Great! Stan Lee makes his Hitchcockian appearance per usual. I am not a film maker; nor am I a writer or profess to know a lick about making movies. However, I do watch a lot of movies and this one will have me in line again at the theater. I'll own it on DVD. I'll anxiously await the director's cut super deluxe edition. The entire audience at the 11:55 a.m. showing were captivated, as well as, humored. I wouldn't suggest this being appropriate for wee tots, but my 13 year old loved it. There are jokes and innuendo that had the adults laughing; physical humor that tickled the kids' funny bones. The uber high tech gadgetry will appease the n...

I'm taking Man-cub to see Ironman tomorrow and I don't know who is more excited. I'm willing to bet that I'm edging him out in anxiousness. Robert Downey Jr is one of those actors I've always pulled for. When he was battling drugs and rehab, I was praying he'd come out alive and recovering. It's been five years of living clean and sober. I read that in previous projects he had to supply his own insurance because the film companies wouldn't cover him. He was a high risk. Now that he's sticking to his rehabbed ways the film company gladly forks over the insurance. I also read that John Favreau pushed and insisted that RDJ was the perfect choice to play Tony Stark . On my favorite blog Stuck in the 80s , Spearsy posted about the fallen stars of the 80s. Those who've dropped from good graces. A few years ago RDJ would have found himself on that list. However, today we're only seeing him in fantastic shape with a new lease on a career as he...

There are times I cater my blog subject to a photograph I find absolutely kick-ass. This is one of those times. I've not been secretive about my love of black and white photography. In my previous post about breasts I declare that I don't have jaw dropping gams. I used to joke that I my legs were perfect as long as they were in the air. Yes, it sounds quite scintillating to make such a claim. It actually stems from an observation I made during an aerobics class. We were instructed to be on our backs, legs up. From that position we had to raise our torso, twist at the waist and meet our elbow to the bent knee of the opposing leg. This photo made me remember that incident. Naturally, I wasn't wearing latex with stilettos. As I make my way toward my goal weight, I realize my legs are looking better. Power walking is trimming and shaping my calves. My thunderous thighs are thinner. I know because my pants drape from my fanny rather than hugging my speed skater thigh...