Sunday, July 12, 2009

Time for a second installment of ....

If I could punch a movie in the face ... Yes, I am a volatile person. I have potential to be, that is. I keep the violence contained in my head and don't let it travel to my fists, but rest assured if I ever unleash all this pent up fire beneath it will be a hailstorm of fury that'll make Chuck Norris seem like a whimpering pussy.

It has been said that when I'm passionate about something I give it full on support. Likewise, when I despise something, I am equally passionate in my disgust and distaste for the subject matter. That includes people. So, watch out!

In the last installment, I revealed the winners of the punch in the pie hole. For review you can go here to see the winners along with my reasoning (quite honestly I don't think I have to justify anything. I just hate the movies.).

While I compile this next list, I am torturing myself as St. Elmo's Fire churns out it's shittastic dialogue on AMC. It basically has tossed kerosene on the fire.

So, without further ado, I will reveal the movies that have earned this dubious honor. These movies can't even be categorized as guilty pleasures in the House of Riss.

Indecent Proposal: Seriously, Bob! What were you thinking? Have your other amazing efforts as actor, director and producer not brought in enough cash that you had to sell your soul to the likes of Demi Moore and Woody Harrelson ... and a hippopotamus? Did you just want an excuse to feel up the once nursing Mrs. Willis so you agreed to make this celluloid dreck? There is not one redeeming quality to this movie! I remember going to the theater to see it with my good friend Kathy. We laughed. A lot. She said out loud, "Oh Bob! What have you done!?" Bob, of course, is Robert Redford. Oh, Sundance, what did you do to have been party to such a train wreck? Were you being black mailed? I know I'm not alone in loathing this movie.

Little Nicky: I like Adam Sandler. His movie soundtracks are reason enough for me to justify watching his works. I enjoy most of his movies. He's clearly stuck in the '80s and that gives him street cred in my book. With that being said, I cannot bear to listen let alone watch him as he plays the son of Satan. Sandler's voice in this film is so irritating that I want to take Q-tips and push them deep into my brain via ear canal. My son and nephews laugh hysterically as Sandler does his schtick. They are lucky I love them so much or I might be inclined to disown them. In fact, their like of the movie is the reason I feel compelled to mention my hatred for it. It gets enough airplay on television that it's clear someone else loves it. Or, Sandler made a pact with the devil.

The Big Lebowski: Maybe I just don't get it. Everyone who has seen this movie seems to love it. And when I say love I mean they quote it; they live it; they breathe it; they adore it. I fought to watch the whole thing. Maybe mass quantities of alcohol is needed to be consumed. Perhaps imbibing in the ganja would be required in order for a straight laced gal like myself to get into it. I realize that by admitting this my application to the cool kids club will be rejected, but I'm willing to risk it. I'm not cool and I can admit it with my head held high (all the while having an atomic wedgey inflicted upon me). You can blame my frequent bouts with vapidity for why I didn't get into Lebowski. Color me a dolt and a dunderhead.

There might come a day when I'm bat-shit out of my head and I get drunk and stoned enough to watch and revel in the supposed greatness of Jeff Bridges and John Goodman. Until then, I don't give a shit about THE DUDE.

10 comments:

  1. You break my heart. Then again, you break everyone's heart.

    *weeping* - I totally love SEF and TBL.

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  2. OH, I'm sorry. *sniffle* I tried valiantly to get into TBL. I just didn't get it.

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  3. *sheepishly admits he's on board cajunvegan's choo-choo train*

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  4. have to be honest here.... never seen Lebowski or Elmo's. Little Nicky cracked me up, but not because of Sandler. It was Kevin Nealon's turn as the guy with boobs on his head, and the wonderful Harvey Keitel as the ever-decreasing Devil that made this movie. There are movies I want to punch too, including Baby Geniuses and Air Bud.

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  5. I also never got the Big Lebowski. I have had several people tell me they liked it. I came out of the theater with my confused face on. Another was the 1991 Jeff Bridge and Robin Williams Movie - The Fisher King. I sat in the theater totally confused. Sorry if anyone likes this movie. That is fine - I just didn't get it.

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  6. GAGirl! Thank you! I'm so glad you asked for the link to my blog. *whew* I never watched THE FISHER KING, but if it's along the lines of TBL, then I'd feel similarly, I'm sure.

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  7. Marissa,
    I think I can forgive you got the Lebowski thing. I enjoyed it a lot, but do think the cult that's grown around it is a bit much. Besides, I agree with everything else. Besides a punch in the face, I'd give Little Nicky a kick in the balls, too.

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  8. I'm pretty sure The Big Lebowski is a guy movie in the same way, I don't know, Gone With the Wind, is a chick movie. The number of females I know that enjoy The Big Lebowski can be counted on one hand. The number of females who absolutely love it, though, are nil. Guys, on the other hand? I don't have that many fingers and toes. It'd be easier to count the number of guys who don't love that movie.

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  9. Rupe suggests you submit yourself to the wonderfulness that is The Fisher King.

    Not only is Jeff Bridges one of Rupe's favorite actors, but Robin Williams portrays a terrific character. Great comic moments. Heartfeltness. Angst. Wonder. And a satisfying story to boot.

    What? You need more convincing? Hookay:

    Lydia The Tattooed Lady is featured. And it's nothing like TBL.

    Now go. Do what you need to in order to get this movie for your weekend viewing pleasure.

    You'll thank Rupe later.

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  10. May I add a comment about Jeff Bridges? As far as I'm concerned, he was never better than when he was in 8 Million Ways To Die. And as for Redford, I cannot stand to watch him in anything other than Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, and then that's really only for Newman. My wife loves to watch Spy Game whenever it comes on, which just annoys. I can't stand anything else he's in. Legal Eagles? Please. Up Close and Personal? Ugh.

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