Rapier's Wit

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm extremely proud of my son. Sometimes he does a good deed without realizing that his actions are just that: A deed well done. This evening, after a week away from home and no contact with his friend K, Mancub decided to pay his friend a visit once we returned from our tour of dog watching doody. About an hour after his departure, the phone rang. It was K's mom. With a sense of panic in her voice she inquired if Mancub had returned home. My heart thumped a bit. She informed me that while Mancub was visiting, K suffered a seizure. According to her account, the boys were playing a video game on the lower level of the house. Mancub realized his pal wasn't just behaving strangely when he flopped off the chair. He also realized K had knocked himself on the door when he started seizing. He ran up the stairs calling out for help. K's mom told me they were so grateful for Mancub's unexpected visit because had it ...

I just watched the Fox program More to Love . It's about a chubby dude who seeks the love of pleasantly plump women who he finds absolutely delectable. HE claims that his weight has always held him back in dating, but according to his former high school girlfriend, he was buff and hot. Whatever. He's seeking hot momma's like me, beeeotch. Although the premise isn't awful (awful being relative in terms to reality/dating TV), after all, everybody deserves to find love. I must take issue with a detail that I believe is utterly unnecessary. On The Bachelor and The Bachelorette I believe they reveal the age and profession of the love seekers. There's no discussion about how much bachelorette from Poughkeepsie weighs. My major concern with MORE TO LOVE is that they state the height and weight of the women vying for Luke Lots to Love's love. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Get the frak over it, you "must be skinny to be hot" haters. I need...

I'm not at home. For those thieves who might know where I live, don't bother. There's nothing of real value there. Plus, consider yourselves warned if you're immediately attacked by two felines. I can't be held responsible for their actions upon violating the security of my domicile. Silver, as some of you may remember, has a deafening yelp and howl. Perpetrators will beg for mercy. Mo-mo stops, drops and rolls in front of her assailants thereby causing a nasty spill which renders them helpless. Fear the felines. I've not felt inspired to write lately. I suspect going from my house to my sister's house is taking a toll on me. Perhaps I need to be in my comfort zone. If you read my previous post you fully grasp how my brain operates when I'm not in familiar territory. That was mighty scary. I'm going to let my mind ramble and discuss the mundane. You're giddy with anticipation, aren't you? One of the perks of being employed in optic...

Nothing speaks to me at this time better than "Sorcerer" from Streets of Fire. Oh, you don't know that little number? It's a good one. Diane Lane's character sings it. Marilyn Martin was the actual voice while Stevie "Elmer Fudd in a Juicer" Nicks sang back up vocals. Stevie wrote the song, by the way. Marilyn's name might be more familiar coupled with Phil Collins on the song "Separate Lives" from the film White Nights starring Mikhail Baryshnikov and Gregory Hines. The soundtrack for Streets of Fire is worth picking up. Seriously! The movie is totally campy, but sometimes superb soundtracks come from the bowels of craptastic flicks. It's overflowing with vocal fakers. The fabled Sorels dance and mouth "I Can Dream About You" while uber caucasian Dan Hartman really did the work. Hmmmm Diane Lane lip syncs in Streets of Fire as Ellen Aim. Michael Pare' co-stars as the gun toting bad ass out to be her rescuer when s...

I have survived a full day without Plurk. I managed to limit my posts on Facebook. Although, I couldn't resist a quiz to find out what my mind is most like. For the record, after 4 questions I learned my mind is like the ocean. The grooviest thing is that the dude who first took the quiz (Chip Carter of Tampa Bay-Fox) said my comment was a Sean Daly comment! His result was THE SUN and he said he figured it would be a black hole. "How about Black Hole Sun?" was my remark. And there ya go. Very little is required to get me excited, clearly. One of the nice things, thus far, to come out of departing from Plurk is that I've been communicating via email with more than 140 characters -- Plurk and Twitter limit you to 140 characters per comment. I'm also receiving some words of encouragement and praise. Being someone who loves attention but gets embarrassed when it's given, this is ideal! The thoughts shared are between me and the correspondent. A lot can b...

I have issues with control. Self-control. I battle with control over my food intake; taking care of my body; limiting myself. If no one is around to see it or comment, I tend to over indulge chips or Oreos . So, my answer is to not have them around. I tend to behave similarly with my online socializing. Years ago before Twitter, Plurk , Facebook and Myspace there was the chat room . More specifically AOL. America Online. The contacts and chats through AOL helped me through a very lonely divorce. Knowing someone on the other side of the monitor appeared to care and sympathize was just what I thought I needed. It wasn't, of course. That's not to say I didn't meet some genuine people as a result of my chat addiction. Unfortunately, the whackadoodles outweighed the sincere friends. I managed to break the habit due to some good old fashioned drama and humiliation. I went cold turkey. I canceled my account and that was all she wrote. In 2005 my son and I packed up...

I'm taking the easy way out again. Sort of. I'm not quite tired enough to go to sleep. Rather than toss and turn or watch Food Network which will ignite my hunger pangs, I read some older posts. There were a couple that I'm ashamed to have written and posted. I've yet to find my stride or niche in the blogosphere. Maybe that is my avenue: Randomosity. I clicked and read. I rolled my eyes often. Savannah Blue Eyes took up way too much space. For a guy who dumped me for an ex-stripper (and a string of other skanks followed) he didn't deserve so much thought. But alas, it is what it was. For the record, I've not heard from him in months. I pray I don't either. I realize in writing that that I'm tempting fate. It seems he hears the proclamation in the cosmos and feels the need to call me or email me with news of his horniness. He'll use the lame excuse of needing advice about raising daughters or eyeglasses. Yeah, that's f'ing r...

"I gotta pick myself up. Dust myself off. Start all over again!" That seems to be my mantra for life. It doesn't matter what I encounter, I always manage to do exactly what the words depict. Unfortunately, I wish it didn't happen every time I embark on an endeavor to get healthy; lose weight; look good. There have been at least three times on this blog that I've made a declaration to change my craptacular lifestyle for the better. Each time, I've not only slipped, but I've taken a head first plunge into the junky abyss. This time may not be any different than previous attempts. However, here we go again! Yesterday I put on my walking shoes and set out for the trail. The temperatures were ideal. Although the sun was shining, the big cotton puffy clouds kept it from directly scorching my face. On my iPod was a funky cardio mix put out by Amazon.com. Seventeen current tracks remastered to keep the the feet moving and heart rate up. I lasted 14 tracks ...

Basically I am lacking in creativity. I'm also acutely aware that many of my readers (OK, the 5 of you that regularly visit) might have missed out on some of my proudest posts. I apologize to those of you who've read these previously. Who knows, maybe my shared thoughts about breasts and shopping for over the shoulder boulder holders have been painfully pushed to the deepest recesses of your minds. And now I am forcing you to have instant recall! (and recoil.) One of the reasons the subtitle to this blog involves "pursuit of the perfect bra" is due to my inability to find an ideal fit for my basooms. It's not rocket science, or is it? I don't think it's my fault that I am not able to find a brassier that fits comfortably and properly. Manufacturers are sadistic bastards. That's what! What made me think of these revealing tales was a test that I took on Facebook. Yes, those are not only major time sucks but they are completely and utterly (udder...

I'm really not 100% comfortable writing about this, but I'm throwing my good sense to the wayside to bask in a mini celebration. Go on and gather up some confetti. In lieu of hole punched colorful paper you can grab dust bunnies, bean bag filler or kitty litter. The point is to join me in gleeful expression. Blondezilla has left the building! I am no fool and we're all fully aware that you must be careful of what you wish for. This isn't something we , as a collective whole, did. SHE patterned her own destiny. Granted, none of us really knows the story of her demise/departure. Sincerely none of us seems to give two hoots and a damn of the why. She sauntered off without a good bye. She packed up her belongings and hit the road. Are we heartbroken? Absolutely not. Well, I guess I shouldn't speak for anyone else. I never kept my loathing for her a secret. We were amiable for the sole purpose of maintaining civility in the work place. That was often a dif...

I have a long week ahead of me. For you regular Nine to Fivers you'll think I'm a big whiny baby. To someone in the retail bizz, you'll understand why working five days in a row with varied shifts presents itself as bothersome and arduous. For instance, I work 11:30 to 9:00 (PM) today and turn around and toss myself into the kettle again at 9:00 AM. No breather beyond sleeping. The light at the tunnel is that I'm off on Saturday and that gives me a sense of normalcy. So, for today's post I am giving you a meme. At least it's something and hopefully it'll evoke some thought. Consider it my gift to aid your brain in waking up. Because I like to give credit where credit is due, I found this via Google search on the blog Curious as a Cat . I have a feeling I may resort to this from time to time. 1) What is the best thing you have ever won as a prize? I recently won a 3 month membership to Gold's Gym when I bought raffle tickets at our local Relay For...

If I could punch a movie in the face ... Yes, I am a volatile person. I have potential to be, that is. I keep the violence contained in my head and don't let it travel to my fists, but rest assured if I ever unleash all this pent up fire beneath it will be a hailstorm of fury that'll make Chuck Norris seem like a whimpering pussy. It has been said that when I'm passionate about something I give it full on support. Likewise, when I despise something, I am equally passionate in my disgust and distaste for the subject matter. That includes people. So, watch out! In the last installment, I revealed the winners of the punch in the pie hole. For review you can go here to see the winners along with my reasoning (quite honestly I don't think I have to justify anything. I just hate the movies.). While I compile this next list, I am torturing myself as St. Elmo's Fire churns out it's shittastic dialogue on AMC. It basically has tossed kerosene on the fire. So, wit...

Twenty three thousand. hmmm 23,000 sigh 23,000!!!!!!! That's still not as spectacular as I thought it would look. Hold on . Image by Cool Text: Logo and Button Generator - Create Your Own That fits the bill much better. Thank you for pushing my blog up and over 23,000 hits. Maybe one day those hits will be reads and comments. Perhaps I'll be a blog sensation that will make you ask, "Who's Jen Lancaster? What ever became of Perez Hilton?" Hey, it's a lofty dream, but without aspirations for greater things we're just spinning our wheels and digging holes.

That's Mo-mo. She is magnetically drawn to the dining table. Sigh. She's also showing off her flexibility. Meow.

Call me a little old fashioned, but if my phone rings later than 10:00 PM, it better be an emergency. Someone better be broken and or bleeding and requiring my specific brand of assistance (I have no idea what that may be) if they have the nerve to dial my number after 10 o'clock. I will admit that on rare occasions I will take a call from a friend in a different time zone. I'm guilty of picking up the receiver if a man is calling. Not for a booty call, but to talk without concern for the time. Stupid and desperate? Yes. Asshat Running Man pulled that stunt one too many times and I set him straight about proper calling times when attempting to pursue a relationship. I get ballsy from time to time. To be honest, my phone doesn't ring often and if it does it's a bill collector calling for the slime ball, asshat family who gives out my number to avoid paying their debts -- I presume they had this number over 4 years ago. Ironically, T-Mobile calls here to alert them...

At the risk of sounding cliche', I am proud to be an American. While I have never lived elsewhere and my travels have only taken me just outside of California and Arizona where I crossed the Mexican border to shop, I know this is the best place on Earth for me. This year has been monumental in that we've elected a black man as our president. We're facing financial crisis. Jobs are being lost at a ridiculous rate. Panic has stricken in the hearts of many. Across the globe there is unrest and war. Other governments are looking to us, the United States of America, for aid ... or firing upon us for the efforts made to give their citizens help. Sometimes we're damned if we do; damned if we don't. Times have changed mightily since the Declaration of Independence was signed by our founding fathers. OH, sure! There's still war being waged. The weapons of war have the capabilities to inflict greater damage upon the people of this delicate planet. What is a gr...

I was just on Facebook and read a note posted by Angie Bailey aka Eclectic Catladyland . She listed fifteen songs that have been influential or conjures up a specific memory in her life. There are numerous songs that come on the radio or pop up on my iPod and I am immediately transported. It's like stepping into a time machine. So, without further ado, I give you myTEN in no particular order. Like Angie, I am listing off the top of my head as they come to me. In addition, I provide explanation. I must warn you that many songs are otherwise shittastic. Forgiveness isn't necessary. 1. True ~ Spandau Balle t: I had a huge crush on a guy my first and second semester at Kankakee Community College. Whenever I saw him outside of school, TRUE seemed to be playing on the radio. I never did connect with him. He was the kind of guy who was awesome to look at but rather vapid. 2. Brand New Key ~ Melanie : I was a just a little kid and actually thought the song was about roller...