Sunday, April 5, 2009

My Secret World


In this world of mingling on the interwebs, it's difficult to declare having such a secret world. I do. In my world I am still an insecure little girl striving to gain her rightful place and attention. In a sea of so many choices and options, I have to wonder when I'll be the chosen one. Yes, my inner little girl who speaks today. But the little girl speaks truthfully. With fears of being shunned or rejected, she longs for emotional shelter without waning dedication.

I'm not whining nor complaining about my life. I have a good life in terms of intrinsically important values. I have close friends who offer unconditional love.

There comes a time when being patient wears thin. A gossamer thread. Patience is not like a well worn pair of Levis that've served dutifully and are comfortable, albeit thread bare and holey. Patience, in this instance, is that emergency pair of underpants that inevitably ride up your crack thereby inducing hemorrhoid like sensations.

It's not a happy place.

Shifting from side to side, I try to work it out subtly. Major fail.

While I pride myself on being a survivor of many failures and disappointments, my capabilities of pretending to be basking in singledom are vastly over rated. If, by some off chance I make being a single mother look good, I'd like my Golden Globe Award. It's an act. I am a good mom. No question about it. The single girl follies were great in my 30s. I'm now deep into my 40s. Hello!?

There's a lot of fabulous going unnoticed, folks. Perhaps I amuse plenty of people online or in the workplace, but there's a multitude of Riss that could be appreciated by someone of the male suitor variety. No asshats need apply. Been there; done that. I have the business card to prove it.

3 comments:

  1. While I too would enjoy some sort of companionship, I just have such a low opinion of people in general that I pretty much sabotage any potential relationship from the start. That, and never again will I endure living with someone who has a crappy taste in music and, to a lesser extent, movies.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, I feel so less superficial now. I'm not saying you are, but having a similar interest in music and movies is vital. I don't believe, in my case, that opposites attract. Well, they might attract, but in the end (in my case, in the divorce) it is important to have more than just a middle ground.

    It's exhausting, isn't it? Are you like me that you're tired of being disappointed? It's nice to hear from the male side, too. Thanks, Nathan

    ReplyDelete

Say what!?