Saturday, May 30, 2009

Shake, shake, shake

I confess!! I will try gimmicks to lose weight. I don't buy pills, but I do buy into those infomercials about shaking my booty 'til the weight drops off. You've seen them. Women (and some not so coordinated men) dancing, thrusting, hip thumping themselves into a sweaty frenzy while the instructor energetically leads them. The instructors are frighteningly thin. My guess is they've' not had a visit from Auntie Flow in eons due to dangerously low body fat.

No, I do not pay attention to the fine print telling me "results are not typical" when the formerly size 22 is now a svelte size 6 with no apparent flopping skin or stretch marks. I'm thinking when someone drops weight quickly they would have skin hanging on them like wax drippings on the candle you left lit too long. I like to pretend that woman could be me sans drippy skin content. Sadly, I have a fear of commitment that clearly includes committing to myself. That being said, I haven't known what it's like to be less than a size 14 for nearly 2 decades. Get over it! I'm not a small cougar.

As I age, I notice things about my body functions that I don't like. I won't discuss further, but lets just say I've grown accustomed to those individually wrapped prunes and prune juice (I haven't tried a prune martini, but I'm thisclose to going there.). Plus, I've switched from Cap'n Crunch to Fiber One ... and Jamie Lee Curtis has had an impact on my choice of yogurt.

Because it's not about how I look and more about how I feel -- function over form -- I opted to take the advice of my cutey patootey Beach Body coach to try Shakeology. I bought the chocolate flavor so Mancub would try it, too. I worry that he doesn't get enough fiber and veggies. I realize the real McCoy is the best bet. However, this gives me assurance that we're both getting what our bodies needs. He often only wants chocolate milk in the morning rather than a full meal. Shakeology fills that desire while giving him nutrients. Packed into the chocolately thickness is a day's worth of veggies and fruits. We're injesting the equivalent of a multi-vitamin without the horrible belching. Hell yeah! There are various things one can add to switch it up and make it less boring. The shakes on their own are quite tasty. But to keep from being bored, I'm going to take the suggestion of one of the Shakeology Facebook fans by freezing left over coffee in an ice cube tray and adding it to the blender for a mocha-licious morning smoothie. Eventually, I'd like to ween myself from my caffeine addiction. I'm simply not willing to deal with the headaches that accompany withdrawal.

With the improved weather I can finally step outside and walk again. YEA! Walking is really the only form of exercise I don't get pissed off doing. With the right support I could probably work up to jogging. However, like the subtitle of my blog reads, I am still in search of the perfect bra. I have a dozen work out videos, but at some point the instructors expect me to do a maneuver I am physically incapable of performing without injury. I scream at the television. I kid you not when I tell you that the phrase, "Fuck you skinny bitch!" streams from my pie hole in the course of working out to a DVD that claims it's perfect for beginners of all shapes and sizes. It's as if I have workout induced Tourette's Syndrome.

I've made proclamations to lose weight and get healthy numerous times on my blog. Roll your eyes or poke fun at me. I can take it. Chances are I've already said those things to myself. My wish is to just be a regular gal.


  1. Good Gordness! Your wish - the final sentence of your posting - has come true!

    You are a regular gal!

    You're not a frighteningly thin, energetic instructor. You're a regular gal!

    You're not a svelte size 6 with no apparent (apparent being the operative word) flopping skin or stretch marks. You're a regular gal!

    It's not about how you look, but how you feel. You're a regular gal!

    Don't you simply love wishes? Just when you innocently blink at some random moment in time, you realize they've come true.

    Ladies & Gentlemen: A Regular Girl. Love it.

  2. Hot damn! Rupe, you get my favoritest commenter of the day award.

  3. And there is a lot to be said for the zen of the road. Walking ... far ... pays rewards. Stand in one place and move your feet as the road passes under you. Pick a town way far away, and walk there. It might take all day, but the work is forgotten when you've covered the distance, and believe me, it will quietly burn a new body for you! ... Okay, I'm
    obsessed with distance. :-)


  4. Rupe has nailed this. And frankly FTW, as someone who works with fashion/glam models a lot, there is hotness which doesn't last and there is someone who can be best friends for life. I'd much rather have a friend/life partner/wife that I can have a great conversation with more than some mystical mathmatical perfection.


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