Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Today ...

... I saw a woman with her hair colored, cut and styled like Kate Gosselin of blah blah 8 kids yada yada. She was a pregnant woman who, while ordering her food in the food court sounded like Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally." She was accompanied by a man whom I assume to be her husband -- he seemed whipped and or brow beaten. He cowered as she proceeded to order. Presumed child numero uno barely uttered a word as mama ordered for him/her, too. I don't know if the kid was a boy or girl. I was fixated on the exhausting order of the cockatoo head. The woman couldn't have been more picky or precise about how much ice in her Dr. Pepper, the number of olives and tomatoes on her burrito "no beans, please," or how crispy she desired her Potato Ole's to be cooked (for those not in the Taco John's region, they are essentially flat tater tots with seasoning sprinkled on top). I have to mention that her nose was sharply angled exactly like Lois Griffin's shnoz on The Family Guy. Such things don't usually draw my attention, but she could cut glass with the tip of her nose. Just sayin'!

OK, I paid a little too much attention and maybe I felt compelled to tell her that the hair style didn't work for her and that in the short time I was in her presence I felt the urge to smack her upside the head for bearing such a confused hair cut. However, I do not abuse the elderly, pregnant women or children. Not literally. Only in my mind where it's safe. I was certain the poor girl working behind the register was thinking about smacking her, as well. The girl was working solo and hadn't started making my food because Ms. Particular was babbling. I suspect our reasons for wanting to reach out and flick Lois Picky Pants in the angular casaba weren't the same, but who cares. It didn't happen beyond our thoughts.

Judge me. Tell me I'm cranky, evil and just down right horrendous. It's OK. Facebook tells me I'm a demon and so badass that I'll die by means of cutting off my own head in front of a school bus.

I can take the heat.


  1. This post made me laugh. I know this wasn't a pleasent experience for you, but your prose certainly got my day off to a good start.

  2. I can't stand women like that had me laughing too with this post.

  3. Something has happened to me in recent years, some scabbing over of the wounded soul, etc. I have always thought these thoughts, but now, occasionally, I find myself... saying them.

    A week and a half ago, I was out with friends at a place that has mini golf and a dozen other various amusements, which included batting cages. I've never done that before, so yay for new experience! And I'll probably never do it again, cos oof. But me and my buddy were waiting by the 45mph cage, and a young teenage couple were alternating turns. Like, he would go, then she would go. This is not how the system is supposed to work. Just like placing your quarter down on pacman, there are both implicit and explicit rules against hogging. As the boy finished and the girl was about to go back in, I said "Excuse me, do you think we could take a turn?" She said: "Yeah, when we're done."

    Oh. Oh no. Oh no she didn't.

    I didn't argue with them, but I certainly wasn't quiet with my comments. My buddy chimed in as well. It was not very long at all that they decided to go elsewhere, took their unused tokens and fled the batting cages entirely all tail-tucked. As she left, she actually said, "You can go, now." I said, "Thanks. I *really* appreciate it."

    Suffering in silence used to be my thing. I guess I got bored with that.

  4. Ohhh that's just wrong. I find myself speaking up more frequently. Naturally, I hope none of those idiots come out swinging when I openly object to their behavior.


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