TIDAL WAVE!!!

A week ago today it was raining. It was also my day off and Father's Day. Did I mention the weather sucked? Rather than go lounge in my sister's pool, Mancub and I ventured out for lunch and a movie. Initially we had intended on seeing ... I can't remember. But we were late for the starting time and I'm one of those people who prefers arriving early. I need to be settled in to view the flick and not rushing in the dark theater only to trip over some dipwad's big foot sticking out in the aisle. Due to the time circumstance we watched Land of the Lost. It's a complete sidestep from the television series. However, because it's clear that I have a 12 year old boy's sense of humor, I laughed hysterically right along with Mancub.

The work week was pretty typical. Sadly, the economy is taking a toll on business. I'm grateful to be working full-time (a relative term since full-time is considered working 30 hours.) and my benefits remain intact.

Friday finally brought me sunny day off. Mancub woke from the dead just before noon. I had already arranged with Maureen to invade her backyard with our presence. Though I am a fan of my pasty skin, I decided to try on a little color. Sunscreen is my ever companion in the summer sun and I don't skimp on using it. How I ended up with a great deal of pink is beyond me. I suspect my left over sunscreen from last summer is to blame. Duh. Aloe to the rescue. New and better smelling sunscreen was purchased. All will be right in the world.

Call me She-Hulk. I stopped 18,000 gallons of water from flooding my sister's yard. Yep. I didn't do it with bubble gum or magic, either. While Maureen and Kris were en route to pick up the boys from the movies, I lounged in the backyard reading People. Mancub was inside chilling after an afternoon of frolicking in the pool with the mama. I hadn't been in the chair for more than five minutes when I heard the gush of water. The hose that feeds the water back into the pool had come off!!! With a leap and a bounce (of the boobs) I picked up the hose and stuck it back in the hole. The hose clamp wasn't secure. I could see that it had been barely tightened at the end of the pvc that protruded from the side of the pool. We noticed earlier that the pressure seemed a lot higher than it had on a previous day. I would later learn that Kris had added chemicals and switched the power of the filter to 'high' to mix it. Unfortunately, with the hose clamp barely hanging on, it eventually blew it off.

Drenched and standing in mud (the pool is newly installed), I feared electrocution if I let go of the hose and unplugged the filter. It took all my body weight to hold the hose in place. My thought was that if the switch was nearby, I could reach it with my long, ugly big toe and turn it off. I've managed to pick things up and shut valves off with my feet, surely a switch wouldn't be much of a challenge. FINDING THE SWITCH WAS A CHALLENGE.

I was screaming like an ape-shit banshee. I kept yelling Mancub's name. I prayed a neighbor would hear my cries for help. Nothing. I would have been in serious trouble had I been under seige of chubby chasing ninjas. GAH!

Finally, after 10 - 15 minutes of screaming at the top of my lungs and intermittently laughing and crying at the potential tragedy, Mancub peeked out the patio door and calmly said, "Mom, did you call me?"

Yes, in that 10 - 15 minute time frame varied expletives erupted from my mouth. If the neighbors did hear, they probably passed it off as a torrential attack of Tourette's.

In a total panic I insisted he get his butt over to the filter and find the switch. But first he had to put on his flip flops!! Jeez! I'm standing in mushy mud and, by this time, my arms were weak, and he has to put on his f'ing shoes.

The switch can't be found. In panic I instruct him to find my cell phone and call Maureen. While holding the hose with the left hand, I hold the cell with the right. By that time I am too frazzled to coherently instruct Mancub where to find the switch or which plug will ease the situation. I hand him the phone because, while I do have great upper body strength, I AM NOT SHE-HULK! He's now spazzing that he can't find the switch. So, with a great struggle he manages to unplug the filter.

FINALLY! I can let go of the hose. It remains attached yet leaking.

We go in search of a screwdriver. I find a little, stubby Craftsman flat head that will make do. With the aid of Mancub, I loosen the clamp and slide it further down the pvc pipe and secure it. Though, it's hard to get a lot of torque with such a dwarf sized screwdriver.

Margarita time.

By the time Kris and Maureen return, I was back to lounging on the patio reading People. Mancub was chasing Teddy, the little pooch, around the neighborhood. He made a run for it when I opened the patio door with my margarita. There was no way in hell I was taking off after him. My good deed for the day was done.

The pool installers will be getting an earful. There was a serious potential of losing a lot of water not to mention burning out the filter.

The upside: My arms got a work out.

The downside: My arms ache.

The upside: I didn't turn GREEN in my She-Hulk state.

The downside: I turned RED from not reapplying sunscreen prior to my She-Hulk state.

The upside: I know where the filter switch is located.

The downside: The neighbors think I'm the "insane sister."

The upside: I had material for my blog.



I need a vacation. STAT!