Sunday, March 22, 2009

Random thought alert!

Today my mind is like one of those carnival games where you spin the wheel and get whatever prize it stops on. Usually, it's some rinky-dink piece of shit you'll never use. Ooh! Chinese hand-cuffs! I'd like to think what I lay down here today will be of more interest. Plus, it won't cause dislocated knuckles.

This morning I awoke to find I had used the last of the coffee yesterday. I suspect the busy-ish workday caused a mushy mind. When it was my time to clock out all I could think about was going home to find relief from the spasms I had experienced most of the day. So, stopping by the store to pick up vitally essential items was not on the agenda.

I threw on comfy yoga pants, sneakers, a sweater and flew out the door. OK, make that groggily shuffled to the car. I realized that going to the store completely depleted of caffeine probably wasn't advisable. Therefore, McDonald's to the rescue! Non-fat mocha to go, please! K-Mart was the store closest to the McDonald's I drove up to. With bright red signs stating 3-day super sale I was drawn in. I never go to the big K. It was nearby and I wasn't ready to tackle Wal-Mart in my greatly altered, unstable caffeine-free state.

With my McD's java in hand, I made tracks inside the store. Grabbing a cart (because it's a big 3-day sale happening inside), I made a beeline to the coffee aisle. No thank you, Maxwell House. No thank you overpriced Dunkin Donuts in the appealing bright orange and pink bag. I don't need your bourgeois stuck-uppiness, Starbucks! I'll take the whole bean Folgers that is on sale. Perfect! Vanilla Biscotti! I go for flavor as I skip the sugary, flavored creamers.
I did wind my way up and down other aisles. I had no desire to grocery shop. I did pick up eggs and milk. Those are always needed and pretty much the same price no matter where you go. With my little eye I spied some cinnamon rolls I thought Mancub would like. I figured he'd appreciate some freshly baked yumminess on a Sunday morning. Little did I realize, in my now less foggy state, that the bag of bakery goodness would require preparation beyond wacking the tube on the counter and throwing them in a pre-heated oven. These gems would need to rise prior to baking. UGH! 'Tis alright. He can have them for a mid-afternoon treat instead.
In addition to the food items purchased, I picked up a couple Joe Boxer winter hats and scarf, and a pair of Jaclyn Smith suede (pink) gloves. None were priced higher than $1.99. I'm ready for next winter ... or the next couple months.
Without spending a king's ransom, I returned home ready to nap. But I came here first. I've been a blogging slacker and I apologize. Keep reading and you'll understand why I've been in a mental stalemate.

Last week I had two days off that were mid-week. On Monday, I had no real plans beyond enjoying the beautiful weather. I recall doing a little shopping. I'm wild and crazy! I took my cute, pink Cybershot out with me hoping to learn how to use the video option on the camera. Let's just say I am not giving youtube pros a run for their money. Of course, it would have helped if I wasn't driving while attempting to film.

The Canadian geese who were enjoying the swelled banks of the Kankakee River were more than willing to let me snap their photos. Ducks and geese alike made splashy time in the flooded corn and bean fields not far from my home. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to capture them frolicking as the shoulder of the road isn't wide enough; nor did I want to risk getting stuck in the mud.

It's been a very emotionally trying week. I admit that I've retreated as a result of being overwhelmed. My uncle (Unca Chunk) is very ill and we've been advised to be prepared for his death. I suspect I'm squeamish about visiting an ailing person in the hospital because I watched my own mother quickly decline. The first death I experienced was her's. So, I just try to remove myself all together of the physical and emotionally prepare without the grand overtures of saying good bye. I did visit him and, after being taken out of his sedative state, I told him how much I love him. His eyes welled with tears and he squeezed my hand. He reached up as if to attempt to hug me. With all the tubes, cords, monitors etc, I wasn't able to embrace him, but his hand firmly grasped mine. I felt the love of my entire life in that grip. No good bye is necessary. Love is all that matters.
Unca Chunk is the only uncle I've really known in my lifetime. There were others who were present on holidays, weddings or othe special occasions, but he was always a familial staple. Mom and Unca Chunk were the closest of the siblings in their family. My mother's children were his "kids." I feel it's due to my love for him that I easily accept people for who they are; not their sexual orientation. At age 10 or so, I was told my favorite uncle was gay. I recall shrugging and saying to my mom that it's no wonder why he never married or had children.

As a little girl, we always had gorgeous gowns to use for dress up. My mother always said it was a lady friend of Unca Chunk's who was donating them to our closet of goodies. I later learned that the satin and sequined frocks were those of my uncle's alter ego: Sophie St. Claire. I never had the pleasure of seeing him perform. I heard he was quite a riot and always a hit. Mind you, there is not a girlish bone in his body, but he sang, sacheted and wowed 'em! He donned the feminine persona for night club purposes only. He never showed up at Christmas dressed as anyone other than the man with terribly smelly feet. Hey, we all have a cross to bear and that was his! It was something we all lovingly teased about.

This man who unknowingly taught me so much about life and love will not be with us on this earthly plane for long. His words of wisdom, "Tell 'em to go to hell if they don't like it, " will always ring in my head. He learned to live his life truthfully and honestly. I find solace in believing he and my mother will be reunited in spirit.


  1. I choose to think of this blog as a beautiful kalaidoscope rather than a carnival wheel-o-crap as you characterized it. It's always good to catch up with you, I wish you and your family the very best with your uncle- it's never an easy situation, but people like you can make it easier.

  2. Love IS all that matters.

    Like Sherrie said, this is a beautiful piece of writing. I can't stop the tears from my eyes right now.

  3. May you find peace in your loss. Keep thinking of the wonderful memories of your uncle.

  4. Thanks for the share, I see a very active and interesting lady, no circus here :)

  5. My blog was given a Sisterhood Award and I have decided to pass it along to you as well! You can go to my blog to check it out:


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