I'll take a venti-hazelnut-control-top-firm-support to go!

My morning started with quite a conundrum. In fact, it was awful. Not only did I feel that I didn't get enough sleep -- thank you Alka-Seltzer Plus -- I couldn't make coffee! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS TO A CAFFEINE ADDICT LIKE MYSELF!?

Sorry for all the caps. I'm tense. Or, at least I was ... that is, until I turned to my personal wealth of information. Plurk. Yep. Blah, blah, blah. I'm bragging up on my pleeps on Plurk.

I put the water in the coffee maker. Then, it happened. THE HORROR! I remembered I used the last coffee filter YESTERDAY. I went to the grocery store after work YESTERDAY. It was snowing. All I had on my mind was getting in and out of that place before traffic got heavier with idiots. Oh, the creamer found its place in my basket. Bagels, cream cheese, chicken, bananas, marshmallow fluff. You know. The essentials for any gourmet. Yet, never did the coffee filters plunk themselves into my cart. Damn it!

I posed this issue on Plurk. The first suggestion was to use a paper towel. Guess what? I don't have those either. I was panicking. Keep in mind that it's early in the morning and I am not going out into the cold. Not just yet. I hadn't given up.

Then, a little light went on in my Plurk box. A suggestion was made that I hadn't ever thought of, but was willing to try. My hero for the day is Bronsont. A dude, kids! A man made this kind of grody suggestion. Try panti-hose, he wrote. gasp. After I recovered from the slight nausea of running water through a stocking, I realized my desperation to be caffeinated. I went in search of unused panti-hose.

With some hesitation I ripped open the package and sought out scissors. snip-snip. Seven dollar coffee filter in hand, ladies and gents. It worked like a charm. No funky after taste. Although, I think the hazelnut creamer that I didn't fail to forget yesterday probably hides the hint of "nude."