Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Suddenly, Last Summer

If you've been stalk following me for more than a year, then you know I had some issues with my left leg. Wait, did I blog about that horrible experience or did I manage to keep it to myself? I keep very little about my life to myself. What I mean is that I may have only reported the ugliness on Facebook.

OK. In March of 2012 a funky bump appeared on my lower left leg. I, being stupid, picked at it. Despite bandaging, treating it with triple antibiotic cream etc... the damned thing would not heal. After 2 months of that nonsense I sought out WebMd. (You thought I was going to say medical treatment, didn't you?) There was a myriad of possibilities and I treated the wound accordingly. From soaking it with apple cider vinegar to coating it with hydrogen peroxide, it only got worse.

Surprise! Hey, I wanted a homeopathic remedy. In the long run it was foolish. Don't you dare wag your finger at me.

When our vacation to California was quickly approaching, I made haste, finally, to get an appointment with a doctor. It took over 3 weeks to get in because prior to this, I have never had the need for a physician. Oh, sure there's the almost  yearly peek-a-boo at my girly parts doctor, but not the nose, throat and ears doctor.

The new doctor was quick to tell me to stay out of the sun, public water, ie pools, ocean, lakes, hot tubs etc... The public waters might worsen the infection. The antibiotics made me highly sensitive to the sun's rays. One antibiotic after another and several outbreaks of red itchy, rashy bumps made me want to go all Poltergeist and rip off my own flesh. They even put me on the antibiotic used to treat MRSA. It did horrible things to my skin. It was worse than the wound itself. I was miserable!!!! That's some serious shit. After being tortured and getting no improvement, I was referred to an infectious disease specialist.

That guy tested me for everything from lupus to jungle rot. Maybe not jungle rot, but there was a host of diseases being ruled out. All i know is that the blood sucker chick took 7 viles of my blood. By the by, that's an effing cool thing to watch. No queasy stomach here. Whenever blood has to be drawn I always inform the technician to hit my left arm. The veins are more cooperative.

After everything under the sun was ruled out, the specialist sent me to a surgeon for a biopsy. At that appointment, the doctor said to cut into a newly developed oopy sore would be a mistake. He told me that the problem was simple: Lack of fresh blood circulating through my legs.

Hellloooooo I have had varicose veins since my late teens/early twenties. I opted out of the biopsy and followed his advice. The next day Vein Clinics of America was called and my consultation appointment was made. The big gas funky, thick, stick-off-my-flesh-like-a-relief-map veins are gone. Three laser treatments and hundreds of injections later -- not an exaggeration, all that remains are the teeny spider veins which are a result of the blood seeking other means of travel. Those will be taken care of, too.

My legs were in bad shape. Now, the only thing that will gross people out in public is the amount of cellulite and wiggly jiggly flubber. But NO PURPLE VEINS!

All of those appointments took up my entire summer and most of autumn. Aside from our trip to California, I didn't get much sun.

Now that I have bored you to tears and you've probably not even read this far, fast forward to the summer of 2013. TODAY, look at the date, I spent the afternoon on my deck reading in the sun. Yes, I used sunscreen. Sheesh. I'm not entirely vapid.

If you're ever feeling blah, constantly battling one ailment or another, you must consider if you're suffering from Vitamin D deficiency. Seriously. The vast majority of us don't get nearly enough. Read up on it. This public service announcement has been brought to you by Kankakee's Number one pasty white girl.

And now, for your gratuitous cleavage shot:

Don't you judge me. When ya got it... ya got it.

PS. The book I am reading is by Clark Brooks and can be purchased in paperback and for Kindle at Amazon. A Ridiculously Inconsistent Treasury. Click the damn link and go buy the book.

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